Babylon

So I would like to tell you all about a magical place that doesn’t quite seem real; one that I like to call Babylon. Babylon used to be a great Empire, and spent some time as a monarchy, and a colony of those effete, tea-drinking flag planters (who in their own right, spent a good amount of time ruling the world). Then Babylon spent quite a bit of time as the mud under the boot of a vile dictator that we the North Mexicans (or Southern Canadians if you prefer) took from power when we landed our big half-assed Imperial Forces in his place as the Rightful Authority.

Babylon is full of Babylonians. The Babylonians cannot be summed up on the whole, any more than any other people can be labeled and tagged with 100% correctness or efficiency. There are of course certain social mores and customs, societal norms that are shared by the majority of the people.

In the last few months, I have had opportunity to chat with large numbers of Babylonians; some have been quite friendly, some have been quite the opposite, but all have had some certain traits that I can speak of. My job, you see, is that of Inquisitor for the Empire, and in our little fiction we are writing here, we will keep in mind that unlike some other Inquisitorial Places, my chamber is free of stacked nude Babylonians, and no chubby faced little miscreants are playing Vanna White with the genitals of bound and blindfolded men. I will not tell you that every Babylonian enjoys their little sessions with me, and sometimes there are those who go to bed with a little sneer and a wish for my discomfort or worse. However, a good Inquisitor can effectively bring out the fears or terrors necessary for certain sessions of Inquisition (and let me please add that such sessions are the vast minority) with a gentle whisper or a furious bellow, and not once do the Inquisitor’s hands and the Babylonian meet.

But it is not of Inquisition that I wish to speak today, but rather as I said of the Babylonians. I have always considered myself to be of open-mind about others. I do not like to consign people to stereotypes or groups. There are however many traits that the leaders of the North Mexican Empire have not taken into consideration in our occupation of Babylon. We, and I do certainly include myself, are generally individualists. There is a concept here normal to Babylon that we do not get, and it is so damn integral to the Babylonian psyche—tribalism. The tribes here are so important. Some tribes have as few as a couple of hundred, and some number up to seven million. They are led by the Sheikh, usually a title bestowed by birth, or sometimes they get the office simply by being the eldest. He makes decisions for the lives of his people. He arranges marriages, treaties, and declares war. Tribal war. Millions will agree to kill because someone’s tribal cousin was wronged.

Which leads us to the next Babylonian norm- Vengeance. The stuff of a thousand hackneyed television plots, the entire reason they made Klingons on Star Trek, revenge. Let’s imagine a convoy of Imperial Humvees riding down a moonlit Babylonian highway. A genuine bad guy with the bad guy weapon of choice (the Kalashnikov AK-47 and its many variants) tries to rid the world of the 19 year-old soldier of the Empire sitting in the turret of the lead truck. Lucky for the 19 year-old, he scavenged from the right trash heap, and has enough armor to stop the lead coming from the Kalashnikov at 600 rounds per minute. Also lucky for him, the South Canadian Empire has given him a .50 caliber machine gun. He returns lead, and his bullets are about three times the mass, and about ten times the destructive power. These go through our genuine bad guy, the wall behind him, the house behind that, and the young Babylonian asleep in that house. This means his brother in the bed next to him has legal and moral right to kill an Imperial soldier. That’s right, the moral right. It is expected to strike back at the tribe that did this thing, and the Forces of the Empire are currently the most powerful tribe. So, next moonlit night it all begins again, but rather than an honest Bad Guy, it is the victim’s brother or cousin with the Kalashnikov. Right now in Babylon, these people are extracting vengeance on the Imperial Forces, on their neighbors, on the members of the former dictators brutal regime, on tribal debts accrued a century ago—the entire nation is a festering pool of vengeance. No one is willing to be the one to put the gun down first. And no soldier, man or woman, is safe.

And speaking of women, don’t we North Mexicans do a great job of trying to equalize gender roles in society? In our businesses and homes, we generally accept women to be humans, probably even equals. There are officers in our Imperial Forces that are women! The Babylonians don’t understand that, and inversely we don’t understand the status of women in this culture. I have spoken to Babylonians who personally killed their daughters for engaging in pre-marital sex. Brothers who have beaten their sisters for talking to a man on the street. Husbands here who have taken two or three wives, and actively cultivated hatred between his two families that he can control. Women are stoned, women are beheaded, women are shot. Rape is a common occurrence. Indeed, I had to share oxygen with a man who had been married for about a week, and by all reports to a very attractive young woman. Then, a whole week into his marriage he and a friend went out to find a prostitute and rape her. Then, he was likely going to kill her, but he got caught and came to me.

Life in Babylon is cheap. Very cheap. Dime a freaking dozen. People are killed for money. People are killed for vengeance. People are killed for gasoline. One of the oil richest nations on Earth, and people are shooting each other for long gas lines. Our new Babylonian Guard we’ve created and some gas station security guards that we hired got in a gunfight with automatic weapons over whether or not the Babylonian Guard had to pay for the gas. And these are the people we want to set up to run this show and make it better than Ousted Brutal Dictator. The Babylonians don’t hate death. They embrace it and define themselves by it. That’s the thing isn’t it?

The right to rule is the right to bestow death. Be it by declaring war, carrying out executions, or deciding who gets the flu vaccine, the Powers That Be have to decide who lives and who dies. There is only one type of person that can be allowed to wield that power— someone who hates death. Only someone who hates death, who hates the gun can have the bullets. And we, the South Canadian Empire, have given the death-loving Babylonians the bullets, and now can’t figure out why it isn’t working. Can’t figure out why things are still blowing up, and mortars are still falling, and rockets are still flying. We expected them to be us, to love freedom and not to want to kill or die senselessly.

Oh God help us, we were wrong.

A Poem

I based this poem on the Islamic 99 names of God. I haven't named it yet.


Compassionate, Pure, Merciful Protector;
Almighty, Faithful, Compelling Sovereign;
Peaceful Lord.

Forgiving Creator; Inventor, Designer.
Almighty Provider; Omniscient Donor.
Revealing Recipient.

Gracious, Equitable Judge; All-hearing, All-seeing Exalter;
Raiser, Humbler; Expander, Subduer.

Sagacious, Gentle, Mighty Forgiver;
Greatest Exalted Nourisher; Thankful Preserver;
Noble.

Majestic, Generous, Omnipresent Watcher;
Judicious Answerer;
Affectionate Resurrector;
Glorious Witness.

Powerful Truth, Trustee;
Commendable Friend, Life-giving Enumerator;
Praiseworthy Creator, Restorer.

Life-giver, Death giver; Ever-living, Self-sustaining;
Perfect; Unique, Illustrious Finder;
Capable; Able.

First Expediter, Last Deferrer;
Apparent Master, The Veiled Most-High;
Relenting and Pious.

Indulgent Avenger, Generous Ruler of the Kingdom;
Just Pardoner, Rich, Gathering Bestower;
Supporter.

Afflicter, Benefactor, Wonderful Guiding Light;
Patient Inheritor, Incomparable Eternal Consciousness.

December!

For the love of Yahweh, it is already December. That's actually good, making it all the sooner I will be leaving Babylon and returning to a more civilized place where the preferred method of civil disobedience is public drunken nudity rather than beheading. I may consider engaging in some drunken public nudity myself. My firm doesn't look kindly on that, but they try to make us all wear the same earth-tones outfits as well, and they do nothing for my hips.

On the lighter side, I got some new comic books in the mail today, and they are good. I also recently re-reread the first three volumes of the collected "Powers" series by Bendis and Oeming. I never fail to be blown away by their ability to tell some pretty devastatingly emotional tales with artwork that is stylistically reminiscent of the "DC Adventures" comics. I don't think anyone can deny the impact of Olympia's wife's reaction to his public death and the revelations that he had taken comfort from hundreds of groupies. I think they go five or six pages with no dialogue, and it is great.

Finished a horribly disappointing book- Jonathan Carrol's "White Apples." He excelled at creating truly weird moments, but just couldn't bring it all together in the end. His God-concept is pretty good though, as much as the story goes nowhere. Maybe I just didn't get it, but I really was left with the feeling there was nothing to get.

Watched a really fascinating movie recently; "Return to Oz." now, this is a movie that was lambasted when it came out, I'm sure because it is far more true to the source material than magnesia classic ever thought of being. Sure, who doesn't love Judy singing "Over the Rainbow?" This is a different type of trip though. Notably, it is Fairuza Balk's first film, as a more age appropriate Dorothy. The film also involves serial decapitation, electro-shock therapy, inanimate objects brought to life, people turning to sand, and the only villains in movie history as creepy as Flying monkeys, the Wheelers. It's really a well made film though, with Jim Henson's shop working overtime on the animatronics, Will Vinton's claymation, and some great imagery that didn't rely on computer effects to make a movie. Don't expect musical goodness, but it is well worth checking out. I don't think you can play "Dark Side of the Moon" along with it though...

I'll tell you what else I have to talk about- William Shatner's "Has Been" album. Now, one could probably argue this is a Ben Folds album with Shatner narrating, but the damn thing is bloody brilliant. I defy anyone to find a better study on classism than "Common People" or anything more chilling than Shatner confronting his deceased wife in "What Have You Done?"

Arrogance. We The People of the United States are full of it. In a lot of ways, we kinda earn that right. For all our troubles and blemishes, the vast majority of our country lives in safety and health, and does not go to bed hungry. Our poorest are better off than most of the planet (if you have ten bucks in your pocket, you have more money than some 75% of the worlds population). We are so good in so many ways, but we let that go to our heads. We enjoy freedom and our Republic, and we believe everyone else must want what we have right? A lot do- but not everyone. Not everyone knows what it means. Not everyone knows that with freedom comes responsibility. You have to be involved for freedom to work, you have to be accountable for freedom to work. We cannot expect people to have never had the right to think for themselves to do it right overnight. We have to teach them (or not push ourselves in them in the first place, and let them earn freedom like we did...).

I don't know what all these subjects in this post have to do with one another, but they are all in my head. Maybe it is the approaching Babylonian winter, or the spring that will (hopefully) take me home, but my mind's a scramble right now. It is a swirl of the inane and the severe, the important, and the really-way-not-important.

A beautiful woman sent me pictures of herself today. That made me happier than my comics.

Holiday in Babylon

Recently, there was a traditional American holiday celebrated by my fellow inmates; Thanksgiving. You may ask what people of my persuasion do to celebrate such a day in Babylon, and for that matter, what exactly there is to be thankful for. I may answer...

I received a box of Christmas decorations from my Ultra-Conservative Aunt (UCA from here on out). UCA means well, and did send some fun decorations so we decided we were going to take the common area, and for Thanksgiving put up the Christmas decorations. Now, we are a diverse bunch here holding down the fort in Babylon: we've got Christians, Muslims, a former Druid, some I don't knows, a Mystic Humanist, and me, the ChristoJewiTaoBuddIslamic who'll celebrate pretty much anything. Realize also, that we hadn't taken down the Halloween decorations that the Lady Jennifer had sent our way- and we decided not too. The Christmas decorations went right over them. Colored lights now run along a row of paper bats, our hanging ghost is wearing reindeer antlers, and our over-the-door pumpkins are now holding the mistletoe (appropriately enough I kissed our former Druid under said religion's contribution to Christmas- he's a nice man though and did not try to slip me the tongue, quite a gentleman).

Once the decorating and frolicking was done, we made our way to what our Father's called a "mess hall," but my firm now haughtily refers to it as a "Dining Facility." We grabbed food, and I must say the spread was none too bad. Had all the traditionals, and the guy in charge with all the silver on his hat went around shaking hands. We brought our food back to the common area we had decorated. Candles were lit, we said a prayer, and enjoyed each other's company for a while before going back to work.

So what were we thankful for? Being alive was a good start. Having all of us there and not mourning a friend was good. Hopefully we'll be going home soon. Hopefully our Nation will exercise some more common sense (as opposed to exorcising it) and not create another fiasco like this one. That would be something to be thankful for.

Am I bitter? A bit, but I do my duty. "All enemies foreign and domestic" and all- which am I fighting in Babylon?

Randomly listed things I really like.

Mexican food.

TV shows with Vampires, robots, or spies trapped in strange villages they can't get out of.

Action figures with more than 10 points of articulation.

William Shatner's "Has Been" album.

Lying under the covers on a cold morning and blowing off work.

Where her shoulder meets her neck.

Monsoon season in Arizona.

PJ O'Roarke talking about politics.

Movies about baseball (though I hate baseball- ironic, isn't it?).

People who can admit they're wrong.

Not having to admit I was wrong.

When she comes in from the snow outside and you can smell the cold on her skin.

Books and movies I have to take in a couple of times to "get."

Princess Leia in the steel bikini.

God letting you know They're there.

Chihuahuas.

Big, gay musicals.

Godzilla movies.

Babylonians who don't want me to blow up.

Comic books.

Chuck Palhaniuk books.

The Oedipus Cycle.

Being alone- but not too alone.

Dogs.

Old locomotive engines.

Cats.

Anahiem chilis.

Adjectives.

Self-indulgent blogs.

What's in a name? Plenty...

Whew, been pretty serious here lately, and I think I need to lighten up. Though it would seem our ticket is marked destination: Armageddon, that doesn't mean you have to spend all your time worked up about it. Got to relax, got to think about the good things. I think if we all did that a little more often, not only would The End seem less imminent, it might actually be pushed off some.

But again, I am not here to talk about the imminentization of the eschaton! I am here to talk about a name. It's a lovely name, and in my opinion the single sexiest name in the English language:

Jennifer.

Let me say up front that I have a certain bias- I've been rather fond of a few Jennifers in my lifetime; most importantly, my sole chosen life-mate and partner for the rest of my time converting oxygen into carbon dioxide (and might I hope for beyond?) is named Jennifer. Just consider, however, this name and its variants. "Jennifer" itself has three syllables that manage to roll off the tongue in so many ways. Called across a field, its three vowels will carry it through the strongest wind. In a whisper, minor fluctuations in the hardness of the "J" can render it an impassioned plea, or a tender verbal caress. And in the Little Death, it can be a pleasure/pain expression worthy of the Song of Solomon or Ravel's Bolero.

As "Jenny," it can evoke a personality to challenge Nabokov's Lolita in mixed signals, or can be the perfectly innocent name of the girl next door who is not at all "that type." Jenny, Jenny, who can I run to?

As "Jenna" it can bring thoughts of an icon of our current culture's sexuality, and give "just Jennifer" the mystique of someone far more dangerous to your good social sense.

As "Jen" there is the friend, the buddy, the person you laugh with. Jen is affable and straightforward and practical- but there's still that Jennifer (or maybe that Jenna) there, waiting for her turn.

Jennifer. Say it with me now folks; "Jennifer." Close your eyes, hold it in your head and let it come out the mouth: Jennifer. It gets no lovelier than that. If you're lucky enough to know a Jennifer, find a way to tell her you know you're lucky. Maybe Jen will give you a smile; maybe Jenny will giggle a bit; maybe she'll introduce you to Jenna...

Would you look at that...

Well, we went and did it. GW is back in for four more. The only good news here is we don't have to listen to John Kerry for a while. It will be interesting to see if this means we are looking at another four years of half-assed imperialism, if we're going to back off and play nice while cleaning up the mess of the first four years, or if we'll throw off the sheep's clothing and have four years of real imperialism. The American Empire isn't so bad an idea necessarily, but there's a few things we need. One, we'll need a much bigger Army- hell, we need a bigger Army just to maintain our current level of meddling. Two, we need to actually wipe out a few cities in the next country-that-will-become-an-American-province. The reason I still have Babylonian mortars and rockets falling on my head while I'm trying to sleep is because we didn't secure this country with an iron fist. If we're going to stick our nose (or tank barrel) in another country's rhubarb, we need to actually take over that country! Otherwise you're again looking at more post-victory deaths than war time ones.

Am I supporting the idea of America shoving our brand of pseudo-democracy up the world's collective rectum at every opportunity? No. But I wish the Powers That Be would understand that is what they are doing, and act accordingly. There are no friendly Empires- that way lies a fallen Republic.


So that brings up another issue. Here we've got this Government thing, and this time we actually had decent voter turn out. Guess what lads and lasses: it doesn't end there. Civic responsibility starts in the voting booth. From there are the petitions, e-mails, phone calls, and general bothersome contacts to make sure your elected representative knows what his or her boss (that's you, tiger) wants them to do. You see, a Republic like ours is a lot like a puppy. If you don't teach it what you want it to do it goes wild and ends up peeing on your rug. Of course, this puddle looks a lot like higher taxes and more Federal meddling into how you want to live your life. I beseech thee- once a year drop a letter to your congressional folks. Even if you like what they're doing, let them know you are paying attention. Remember, Tommy Jefferson wants us to have a government by us, for us, and of us. Let's keep it that way.

Et in Arcadia Ego...

Edmund Burke once said that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil was for good men to do nothing. That's a good thought, but not necessarily true. Good men do a lot of things with the best of intentions that turn out to do nothing but serve evil. Evil is sublime. Evil is cunning. Evil is not based only on willful action or omission, it is based on the Universe's tendency toward balance.

Balance is not always good. Balance means that for every good there is an evil. Fair means for every triumph there is a loss. I don't want fair, I want the good guys to win no matter what. I want righteousness to have an advantage. I want Good to push Evil out of the way and reach out to the ends of the Earth.

When that has happened, when it is done, there will be a time of peace; but unless individuality is lost there will be dissent. When there is dissent there will be sides. Evil will use that. In whatever perfect world there may be, so long as people can think, there will always be an apple.

Et in Arcadia Ego.


To be continued...

God Willing

Well, I’ve been off and distracted so I haven’t been able to come up with anything especially insightful or witty. The things I’ve read lately have been fluff, though I have read some pretty good comic books. Most recently I have enjoyed “Superman: Red Son” which may be one of the top five comics I’ve ever read, and “Powers” volumes 1 through 3 by Michael Bendis. Those are also classics, just like Bendis’ work on Ultimate Spider-man.

Saw “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow” which was like watching a live action Max Fleischer cartoon, and equally enjoyable. Angelina Jolie in an eye-patch; God bless that kid. Seriously though, it was very well conceived and produced and a nice break from standard fair.

My state sent me a second absentee ballot. The first, which I commented on before, was only a write in, so supposedly the state sends one to ensure you can vote in case your regular ballot doesn’t arrive. Seriously, that’s what they say. So I actually got to vote against Bush and Kerry and for Badnarik twice! Gosh I hope they count them. I’m also trying to get Fichus on my county board of supervisors…

Right now I am listening to symphonic Pink Floyd in between rocket attacks rattling the windows. One thing being here has shown me is the ability of humans, which I must claim as my species, to adapt. Sure, some are reduced to quivering masses of tear producing flesh, but the majority of us go about our business and count our fingers and toes after they hear the boom. A mortar shell bouncing off your roof does get your attention though.

I had a friend get shrapnel this week, and he is leaving Babylon to go home. He’ll be OK, but we had some worried moments. There are three awards I never want to receive from my firm: the Purple Heart, the POW medal, and the Congressional Medal of Honor; too often those are awarded posthumously. I’m not scared of death, but I’m really enjoying this plane of existence right now.

We had a couple of people here leave this plane of existence earlier this week. I had coffee with one of them the night before. He stayed up late watching Al-Arabiya TV, then went in the morning to get a shower. A 107MM Chinese rocket, which the Babylonians aren’t supposed to have, landed about 20 feet from him. Not fair, not unjust, just was his time. There’s no real defense, there’s no real prep besides wearing some protective gear. What do you do?

Go on living. Listen to Pink Floyd and watch Angelina Jolie make eye-patches look sexy. Read comic books. Post a blog. Insh’allah.

Some stuff.

So, being as I am in a warm, dry place where metal encased explosives fall from the sky periodically, I got to vote by absentee this week. Perhaps I have been cheated because I will not be able to factor into my decision the last four weeks of scandal, mudslinging, and punditry, but I am comfortable with my decision: Michael Badnarik.

That's right ladies and gentleman, I voted Libertarian. Frankly, as much as I know I threw away my vote, it will be worth it in a year to look at the man in the White House and say, "don't blame me, I voted for Michael Badnarik." Frankly I have no faith in the candidates of either of the major parties, and could not in good conscience take part in the appointment of either man. I may have made an ineffectual gesture, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror. The Philosopher Jester strikes again.*



In unrelated news; love hurts. Love scars. It wounds, it mars any heart not strong or tough enough to take a lot of pain.

But it is a many splendored thing, and all you need... Like oxygen even.


Dawn Wells was born 18 Oct 1938. Frankly, she's still gorgeous, like some kind of Mary Ann-droid. She's also a Libra like me (19 Oct).






*Philosopher Jester is a title I based on Plato's Republic; if there a ruler should be a Philosopher King, I figured every ruled kingdom would need a Philosopher Jester. Tertium Quid Pro Quo.

Thou shalt not...

When I covet, I feel guilty about it. The feeling itself however does not feel "wrong." Why is that?

Fast. No faster.

So today I tried something I’ve never done before; I fasted. It was Yom Kippur and as much as I have a tendency to only practice the easy or helpful parts of my Judaic heritage, I decided this Day of Atonement was the one for me to fast on.

I’m not really sure what I was looking for here, maybe I thought I needed atonement for some of the things my job has made me do these last few months. Even that is cheating to say though, because no job made me do anything. I decided to do the things I’ve done and I’ve never been forced to do anything. My sins are my own, clutched tightly to my soul like a bag of cancer. Not eating for 24 hours doesn’t really alleviate those sins, but I decided it was something I wanted to do.

Naturally I woke up hungry, but I resigned myself to juice; it was necessary to keep my strength up because I do have a somewhat important job, and I still had to do it. I found though, that even though I was hungry, I didn’t miss food much when I resigned myself to not eating. I did notice just how much I eat, because I would catch every time I would have gone snacking, and it was more than I care to admit. By noon, I was in the groove though, so I had nothing to worry about.

And then 4 PM rolled around. Hour 22 of my fast, I felt hollow, but my head felt clear. This was after a bit of a headache earlier, but suddenly I felt good. It was a minor euphoria almost like a drugged state, and I liked it. In some small way, focusing on why I was doing this, I felt God, just a bit, off in the distance, in the way that usually requires a lot of prayer and thought. There He was.

I ended the day in peace, and then at the appropriate time I ate dinner, and not too much, but it was the best damn burger I’ve had in a long time.

So here I am, now with some nutrition in my body, and I still feel good. I get the fasting thing now. There’s a cleansing feeling after it, and it is good.

I may not even wait a whole year to do it again.

Random Thoughts

Well, this is nowhere near as focused an entry as I've been posting lately, but I wanted to keep a pattern of posting so I don't let this go by the wayside. The place I happen to be has a lot of repetitive days, so I don't usually have "oh wow" things to report. I had a pretty good conversation last night regarding the eventual evolutionary state of humankind, and I did read some really good comics books (highly recommend Bendis' Ultimate Spider-Man; eta ochen' horoshaya k'neega). Today I had reason to have heated conversations with locals from the country I am stuck in, and I pretty much had to be a dick, but it is part of my job.

I have an ultra-conservative sister. God bless her, she mails me a lot of goodies, but she generally includes Republican propaganda in each taste of home. This time she sent a Bush bumper sticker. I gave it to the redneck I work with and wished him good luck. I wonder if I can vote for Dennis Leary as president? Some good old Irish common sense would do the Executive Branch some good.

Jolene Blalock, T'Pol the Vulcan on that lousy Star Trek: Enterprise, said she didn't think the writers handle Vulcans, and especially her character, properly. I love her for it, but if she was a little more willing to keep her skivvies on, the writers might be a little less willing to find ways to get her into them. Don't get me wrong- my amygdala leaps with glee every time she shows up in Maxim or Stuff, but I don't need smut on my Trek. My kids watch for crying out loud.

I got a comment on one of my blogs. Yeah, it's someone I know, but it's one of my favorite people so that's OK. I'll have to return the favor, but I don't want to seem needy. Said individual just corrected Chuck Palahniuk on a couple of facts in a story in Stranger Than Fiction; I recommend that book as well even if he referred to Whitefish, Montana as White Fish, Montana.

I haven't worn a cowboy hat since I was 12.

My favorite US President is Teddy Roosevelt.

In High School I pierced my ear in my girlfriend's art class to impress her, but then I only kept it for four days because it looked silly on me.

Life of Pi

If you have not read Yann Martel’s Life of Pi, do not read any further. Simply go immediately to Amazon and buy it, or trundle down to your local Barnes and Noble and make the purchase. Otherwise, my spoiler filled review of this book begins… now:

This is one of those rare books that reaches out and punches you right in the gut, evoking a visceral reaction that so few authors are capable of. Chuck Palahniuk does it; William S. Burroughs does it; Harlan Ellison does it. Usually though they do it with a shock of some sort that’s just outside the realm of social acceptance and well into the “eww…” sector. Though I find Palahniuk usually has a coy message hidden in his stories (such as the extinction of the family unit creating our dear Tyler Durden in Fight Club), the type of writing that is heart (or stomach) rending like that is usually nihilistic. Life of Pi is different.

The story is broken into three parts. The first is about a young Indian boy whose family owns a zoo. He is a precocious little Hindu who begins to notice that God exists in more forms even than his Hindu pantheon and becomes not only a practicing Christian in addition to his native faith, but later tacks on Islam. The young boy, Pi Patel, not only finds no conflict, he sees this as his true expression of faith. Circumstances lead to his family relocating to Canada—and bringing along the zoo. They hire a freighter and set sail. The second part of the book begins when the ship sinks.

Pi makes it to a lifeboat, but he is not alone. The lad shares his space with a hyena, a zebra, an orangutan, and most troubling, a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. It becomes a story of the human will to survive as boy and tiger (the other creatures falling prey to the hyena, who then falls to the tiger) work out a way to live with one another. What Pi believes will be only a few days becomes seven months adrift.

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THIS BOOK, DO NOT READ FURTHER!!!! YOU WILL ONLY BE CHEATING YOURSELF!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!

In the third part, Pi makes it to land, and you think you have this book all figured out. Oh yes, what a great story about how this boy’s faith kept him going, and he has survived and is the better for it.

Then you get the real story, one of murder and cannibalism where each of the animal players is revealed to be a person, and that final survivor, the cunning Richard Parker is really the boy dealing with his own acts: the death of his mother, his defeat of the ship’s cook that has been so primly described as hyena. A lesser author would stop with that. Martel doesn’t.

He asks you to choose. He asks you to choose the better story, illustrating an early chapter where he compares the death experiences of two people. One, a lifelong atheist sees the tunnel and the light, and makes the deathbed leap of faith to believe. The other, and agnostic, hems and haws about asphyxia and tricks of the brain, and “misses the better story.” With the book, there is almost the feeling of being cheated, and uncomfortable pain when you realize what Pi has really endured as opposed to his incredible adaptation. He rips your heart out of your chest, and asks if you have the ability to put it back in again by accepting the better story.

It is rather serendipitous that I came upon this book right now—or maybe I’ll choose the better story and admit God placed the book in my hands when I most needed it. I have been carrying on a discussion with a pretty fundamentalist Christian about biblical interpretation; should the Bible be literally interpreted at all times? I have been trying to get him to understand that the Bible can be right without necessarily being correct. For example, whether or not there was an Adam or Eve is not the question or the point—the story illustrates how we were as blissfully ignorant as beasts before we learned the difference between good and evil; we became self aware, started building laws and religions and sky scrapers. The Bible in this case is right, but likely not literally correct.
Pi gives me a great illustration on how this can be so, and also puts me in the position of my fundamental friend. It is my safe beliefs that are called into question, and now I must decide which version of Pi’s story is right or correct. I am reminded that my ability to get people to understand different viewpoints on religion can also hurt their own, and how I must use a certain discretion. Otherwise I become as guilty as those who I accuse of attacking different faiths, rather than trying to accept and understand. Thanks Mr. Martel, and thank you God, for the kick in the guts.

Priorities

OK, let me get this straight; the media wants us to judge who we choose to be our next president based on what they may or may not have done thirty years ago in the military. I don't know about you folks, but who I was 30, or even 20 years ago doesn't have a whole hell of a lot to do with who I am now, and who I will be in four years. Can we please concentrate on relevant facts? Let's talk about 1000 dead soldiers in Iraq, or the fact that the war really never ended as much as we want to claim it has. Let's talk about Kerry's plan to add two Divisions to the US Army, and the impossible to avoid draft that will result in. You want to discuss the candidates and the military? Then there's plenty of things to complain about RIGHT NOW that are far more important than an air guard record or an anti-war book.

One more thing- I'm no Kerry fan, but if anyone has a right to bitch about a war, it's a soldier who fought in it. You know what? I'm pretty anti-war right now because I'm tired of mortars falling on my head. He fought a tougher war than I am, and if it really turned him on the military for a while, I can't blame him. I'll blame him for current plans to screw it up.