Can we please stop remaking “The Dark Knight Returns”? The Official Black Owl review of “Superman V. Batman: Dawn of Justice

Just so you know, spoilers ahead!

There are a couple of different ways I want to talk about this film, because like its predecessor, Zach Snyder and Christopher Nolan’s “Man of Steel,” there are some babies here I don’t want to see go out with the bathwater, but man is this a troubled movie.  First though, I want to talk about it just as a movie, the second in a continuous series of films, bringing a specific version of the DC Comics universe to the big screen.  So, I am going to judge it on those merits first. Then we will get around to what this person (now much older) thought of it.

Later on you'll see this kid and his Granddaughter

It’s not an awful film.  The production design is fantastic, and the cast is possibly the best assembled in a long time in any superhero film.  When the “Batfleck” controversy first popped up, I said he would be the best thing about this film—for better or for worse—and I was right.  Cavill completely personifies the look of Superman, even without trunks.  I had a lot of misgivings about Gal Gadot, but she certainly looks the part of Wonder Woman.  And, the best thing about Man of Steel, Amy Adams as Lois Lane, is back for the sequel.  (Though, would have been nice if she didn't have to get saved three times.) Good stuff.

However, it is definitely a Nolan film; bloated, overlong, filled with clunky dialogue, and desperately in need of an editor.  There’s probably a really good 100-120 minute film slogging around in these 150 minutes.  At times this film confuses “convoluted” for “complicated” especially in regard to Lex Luthor’s plan.  I love the idea he’s behind a smear campaign against Superman and has been pushing Batman into darker territory,   However, in trying to show you how cool it is, there’s a lot of extra fluff.  Luthor specifically mentioned at one point some “red ink” and notes to help push Batman over the edge, but as part of the tension building leading up to the capitol explosion, Wayne calls for records on his wounded employee, and upon seeing the notes Luthor is talking about mentions seeing them for the first time.  It’s a non-sequitur in a sea of non-sequiturs.  Scenes don’t play into each other, and the result is a sequence of events rather than a plot. 

What the film really suffers from though is being made in the wrong sequence.  This should not be the second film in a series, but rather the fourth or fifth.  For example, the movie tells us Superman is a trusted hero, and that’s why Lex needs to discredit him; where was Superman a trusted hero?  All we know is the Superman who DIDN’T save Metropolis from Man of Steel, (a fact viscerally driven home again in the beginning of this film).  I need the movie in the middle that shows me Superman gaining the trust of the people.  Batman is 20 years into a career beating up bad guys, and is cynical and brutal, likely lost a sidekick, and not nearly so protective of human life.   Interesting but not if I am supposed to take this series on it’s own merits. It is not an interesting character development if you don’t show me a sane Batman at some point.  Now, Zach Snyder loves telling stories out of sequence, so perhaps this all plays in subsequent films which will fill in the gaps; but I don’t have that yet, I only have Man of Steel and this film.  There is no gravitas when Superman sacrifices himself to stop Doomsday; I haven’t seen a reason to care about this emo alien.  Superman died; so what?  You are TELLING me that’s a big deal, but never SHOW me.  And that is the biggest flaw here.  This movie repeatedly tells and does not show.  The short montage of Supergrim Superman saving people with a look on his face like he’s already tired of all this shit doesn’t show me the hero who is later slandered into people fearing him and Batman wanting to literally kill him; it kind of makes Supes out to be a jerk.

The hints at a larger DC universe are nice, even if brief.  Wonder Woman, who is well presented for the 20 or so minutes of screen time she has, has well, 20 minutes of screen time, and is barely more than a cameo.  The future Flash appearance, tied to the as yet unexplained (but I am willing to wait) vision Bruce Wayne has of the coming of Darkseid is as fast as the speedster himself. The fact there’s an Aquaman action figure in stores for his 9 seconds of footage leaves me scratching my head.

Actually, the fact there are action figures in stores aimed toward kids at all leaves me scratching my head.  This is a dark, brutal movie.  In the first 15 minutes we get at least three gunshots to the face, a city falling on thousands, a little girl crying at the fire her mom was in, and a slaughtered African village.  I don’t mind “grown up” super tales, but this is a movie that had really earned its PG-13, and still had two hours and fifteen minutes to go.  We see people branded, immolated, crushed, shot, their faces sliced open with spears…and that’s just what Batman’s up to.  There’s also bare knuckle fight club, legs crushed off, mothers going to be flame-throwered, and a suicide bomber.  In a dream, Superman executes prisoners with heat vision and rips Batman’s still beating heart from his chest.  This is not about Batman and Superman punching bad guys, this is a brutal cacophony of violence.   Nothing here should be marketed to kids. I am again not against violence in a superhero film, heck, I really like Snyder’s Watchmen.  But this is Superman and Batman and toys for four years olds are in stores, including dress up gear so YOU can go around your neighborhood and brand your friends or rip out their hearts. Here’s where I have to stop talking about the movie as a movie, and start discussing Superman and Batman.

Here’s everything you need to know about Batman: he’s still a little boy who never ever wants to see anyone die. That’s it, everything else about him is driven by that.  Not here.  Here, like the mistaken Tim Burton before, this Batman racks up a body count.  Here’s everything you need to know about Superman: if he were a human born to the Kents and had no super powers at all, he would still be out there doing the right thing and inspiring others to do that as well.  Here, he is nothing but burdened by his powers.  Henry Cavill, who was amazingly charismatic in “Man from UNCLE” is not allowed to enjoy being Superman for even a moment, and does nothing but question if he’s actually helping.  Now, I don’t need the raw “gee whiz” of Christopher Reeve (though, it would certainly help), but at least give me a reason to like this guy other than I am supposed to because he’s Superman.  This is a deconstruction of Superman and Batman, taking the elements of the mythology and showing how awful they would be in the real world…

…just like “The Dark Knight Returns.”  And here is the fundamental devil in these details.  DKR, which came out in the 80s the same time Watchmen did, like Watchmen, is a deconstruction of the superhero myth.  It shows us why those impossibly good superheroes can’t really be impossibly good. It is a fine literary criticism of the superhero genre for that, just like Watchmen was.  However, rather than leave it in the dystopian future realm of a one-off story, the fact fans like me (and yes, I am guilty) loved it so much meant WB has gone back to that well again and again.  Now, for 30 of Batman’s 77-year history, we’ve been deconstructing the poor psychotic bastard and not let anyone put him back together again.  Both film and comic have now done that with Superman as well.  Here’s a hint, Superman IS the impossibly good hero who can’t exist in the real world.  That’s the point: The aspirations he allows us to imagine, inspiring us to be more (I’ve talked at length about that here).  Man of Steel and this movie are like Watchmen, and I don’t think I need that anymore, I think I’ve had enough.   I know I sure as hell don’t want that out of a Superman movie.  If you’ve made a Superman film that you can’t take a ten-year-old to, you have failed.  If you make a Superman film that doesn’t fill the audience with hope,  you’ve failed.  If you give me  Superman who doesn’t reflect  the best we SHOULD be, rather than mixed bag we are, then you’ve failed.

I know, you’re sitting there saying, “Dan, it’s 2016; George Reeves and Christopher Reeve and heroes who stick happily to their moral code are a thing of the past and can’t be done for a modern audience.  No one wants to see that.”

Cap and I call “bullshit.”

So, for me as a Superman fan, this movie fails.  As a Batman fan, there’s some stuff to like, and Affleck pulls it off.  As a Wonder Woman fan, it leaves me wanting more, which I suppose is success. 

It’s not a terrible movie.  But it’s something I never need to sit through again, unless it’s to edit it myself.  I do hope someone here learns a lesson and when Superman pops out of that coffin (c’mon, can you telegraph THAT any more loudly?) he’s found a sense of humor in the afterlife.  A new respect for truth and justice.  A desire to SHOW me he’s a hero, and that he can inspire us all to do better rather than just TELL me. 

I don’t need funny, I don’t need corny, but I sure do need Superman.

And so do we all.

Dan's Justice League

So, with Man of Steel on the way, the implication from Warner Brothers is that it will set the stage for a DC shared movie universe.  I have to admit, as much as I am anticipating what I have seen of this film, I don't see WB's movie department really being able to build in that way, particularly with they, their TV associates, and right now in my mind their comics, completely unable to come up with a Wonder Woman that works.  It did get me thinking though, who I would WANT to see in a JL project, and I realized, there really hasn't been a project in a while that really captured me outside of the animated shows I have seen on TV, all of which are being cancelled apparently.  So there's that.

So for no other reason than my wish list, here is what I would want to see in any JL project, by bringing together these particular versions of these characters.  One is going to stand out like a sore thumb, but think about it a bit before you declare it "outrageous" (that's a clue).

Superman:

I have not seen MoS obviously, but for my money, if I need a modern version of Superman I am going to draw from Mark Waid's "Birthright."  To me, it is the definitive origin of Superman from a decade that rewrote the story about five times.  Indeed, it stands out to me as the best telling of it in the character's long history.  I do want to give honorable mention to Grant Morrison's "All-Star Superman" which I love a bit more as a story, but Waid does a better job of giving Superman the god-like abilities, while keeping him human.  Morrison's Superman in All-Star is simply a god.

Batman:

Nothing against the actor, but after the huge misstep that was The Dark Knight Rises, Christian Bale doesn't make even the short list.  There's a lot of takes on Batman out there, and many I love, but if I can have just one it has to be the version Bruce Timm gives us in Batman: The Animated Series.  Full credit of course to Kevin Conroy who will forever be the voice I hear in my head when reading any Batman comic.  That guy, he IS The Batman.


Wonder Woman:

I saw the 2011 pilot for a proposed Wonder Woman tv series, and I think Adrianne Palicki was a great choice for the sheer physicality of Wonder Woman.  The writing however completely missed the heart. I have nothing but fondness for my delightfully...stimulating childhood memories of Lynda Carter.  If I have to choose a Wonder Woman though, I am going to include the goddess/diplomat/warrior from Greg Rucka's two years on the title.  In a four color land of over-sexual bosomy fantasy archetypes, Rucka's Wonder Woman was a wondrous woman, and definitive in my mind as the hero.  It isn't pants that Wonder Woman needs to be taken seriously; it's heart.


Aquaman:

Every few years, someone comes along and says, "but I am going to do Aquaman right."  The result usually entails more brooding, perhaps a hook, and bouncing between more or less hair on either head or face.  Then, a couple years ago, someone really did breathe new life into "the guy who talks to fish."  I give full credit to Batman: The Brave and the Bold.  Many people discounted this throwback series as too kiddy or goofy, but really it was a fine representation of those pre-Silver Age tales that set the stage for all the classics that helped define those characters for us today.  In Aquaman we find someone who is confident, a little arrogant, and absolutely loves the fact he gets to be a superhero.  That really resonates with me as he is the guy responsible for 5/6 of the Earth.   Is it so bad that some of these heroes might actually enjoy what they do, and what a great role in the league for Aquaman to take.  We'll save the brooding for Batman.

The Flash:

Yeah, I know Barry's back.  Hurray Silver Age and all that.  For me though, I am calling on the 90s, and Mark Waid once more along with William Messner-Loebs and Mike Baron, and bringing Wally West to the table as The Flash.  He had a legacy to deal with, his own fears to calm, and a rogue's gallery in the waiting.  Yet, he could crack a joke with the best of them and was truly a hero.  Perhaps I am jaded as I really found The Flash post crisis, and though watching that old TV show, those comics really brought the character home for me.  And, I miss the Kilg%re.



Green Lantern:

GL used to be one of my very favorites.  After the last couple years of rainbows, a movie so bad it made me like the comics less, and the impact of the New 52 being lessened by keeping the GL continuity though it MAKES NO SENSE WITH THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE (see Batman for this problem too), I almost left him off.  Alas, though, Hal Jordan was at the top of my must buy list for a long time, and I do love the hard sci fi elements of the character and the supporting cast.  So, I must harken back to who made me love the character in the first place, and that was Dennis O'Neil.  Hal was a hero who asked questions, and had Green Arrow along like a bearded Jiminy Cricket to point out things Hal wouldn't always want to see.  Added bonus to picking this Hal: we get Ollie as a freebie.


Martian Manhunter:

Yes, I insist on J'onn J'onzz as being on the League.  He links our heroes mentally, and provides nearly as much power as Superman in a fight.  Oh, and he's the last of his race, blasted from another planet alien who doesn't look like he grew up in Kansas.  Sure, many verisons give us a J'onn who can take purely human form, but I prefer the Justice League Unlimited Manhunter who uses his shapeshifting as a weapon while maintaining a distance from humanity.  He's a great foil for Superman reminding him how different people can be, and I want him sitting in the Watchtower.  I dip from the Bruce Timm well again for this one.


So, there's my dream line-up.  Of course I could go on: the "JSA/Kobra: Engines of Destruction" Power Girl.  The Young Justice cartoon Black Canary.  The Jaimie Reyes Blue Beetle post "One Year Later."  As a villains, the Smallville Lex Luthor  and definitely, DEFINITELY Mark Hamill's Joker from B:TAS.  Commence your arguments... NOW!


Oh.  And a pic of Adrianne Palicki as Wonder Woman, just because.  Somebody get this lady a writer!

Look Up

I don’t think it’s a big secret that tastes change with age.  Experience tempers us into a different person given enough time; sure, the basics stay the same, but the details will shift and shape according to the things that have come along to stunt or enhance us. 

There was a time I was very much a “strike back” kind of guy.  If someone did wrong, they needed justice, they needed revenge visited upon them; they needed to pay for what they had done.  Then I spent some time seeing the results of that first hand with My Firm and I realized that cycle was pretty useless.  All it did was self-perpetuate and solve pretty much nothing.

As I’ve gotten older, I have come to appreciate an older point of view and the idea that people can be better.  The people can do the right thing when properly inspired.  At times, I do have moments of nihilistic pessimism, but I know what we are capable of when we look up instead of crawling through the shadows. 

I read a lot of comic books, and often my tastes are driven by what’s going on around me.  Something I will tell you though, as much as I do enjoy characters like Spider-man and Hulk, I’m a DC guy.  I’ve written elsewhere about why I prefer one to the other, and how I think DC characters are fictions to whom people could aspire rather than commiserate with.  For years, my go to for comics has been The Batman.  As a child it was likely Adam West that drug me that way, as he showed up re-run on Arizona TV the most.  Then, as happened to any geeky adolescent in the 80s, my perceptions of Batman and comics in general were forever changed.  DC published and collected Frank Miller’s “The Dark Knight Returns,” and “Batman: Year One.”  I won’t get into Miller’s later Batman work and how it should or could be interpreted, but DKR and YO had a profound effect on comics and geeks, and that’s been discussed at length elsewhere, so I won’t rehash that either.  Suffice it to say, Batman has been my favorite superhero for a long time. 

The internet has done something interesting though.  In the form of newsgroups, or email lists, or later blogs, or tweets, or Facebook posts, my thoughts and ramblings are recorded for all time. (So much for running for public office.)  Going back over my writings and musings, I started noticing something.  I’ve been talking about someone else a bit more.

Since 2008, my blog entries on this very site have run neck and neck regarding Batman, and DC’s—and the world’s—first superhero, the aptly named Superman.  Some of those posts cross-over; but, from a defense of “Superman Returns,” to some worship of“All-Star Superman” to the fact I was unable to bring myself to drink beer whilewearing a Superman costume in a bar—IN A BAR—I find myself seeking out old silver age Superman stories, and watching the cartoons repeatedly.  And I realized, I was commiserating more with Superman than I was with Batman.

I mean, it’s not like I didn’t always like Superman.  I saw both Christopher Reeve films in the theater.  I had (have) the Mego figure.  Whenever I do something particularly… less than safe… with my Firm, I wear a Superman T-shirt under my gear.  When I fly, I wear Superman underwear.   One time, about 18 or so years ago, Jen and I stopped on the side of I-10 to help two old ladies and a couple of kids fix a flat.  We had parked a ways up and I left Jen in the car, and ran back to see what the problem was.  When I got there a state trooper was pulling over and was going to help.  Just as I was about to run back to my car to leave, the little girl in the back of the car asked where I came from.  Now, again, 18 years ago, so a lot more hair and a lot less gut was wearing a certain emblem, and I couldn’t resist saying, “I’m Superman,” before running off to disappear into the night.  I just kind of realized recently I was reading more about the Man of Steel, and less about The Dark Knight. 

Speaking of my Firm, I spent the last three years teaching my students the difference between our Nation’s abilities and the abilities of our sneakier enemies by explaining how Batman would beat Superman in a fight.  Sure, Batman distinguishes himself by not being a killer, but in the end he’s a scared little boy lashing out.  His anger drives him, but it’s sad because what would that brilliant mind be if it were working for the betterment of mankind rather than just the miniaturization of cable filament so his bat-grappler works better.   When turned on the farmboy who never crosses his own lines, Batman’s inherent darkness will win.  Superman is a little sappy.

“Oh,” I hear you say, “That means someone sappy like Superman isn’t relevant anymore.”  Yeah, that comes out every few years, and what happens?  Someone kills him, or makes him renouncecitizenship, or gives him a mullet, and people are up in arms: if this character is irrelevant, why do we care?  Because in the end all superheroes exist because of Superman.  In the end, everything a Superhero should be is Superman.

(In the interest of full disclosure, this is a breaking point in my initial writing; during the time this was on pause, The “Man of Steel” teaser hit, and a man with a lot of guns shot up a theater showing “The Dark Knight Rises.”  Neither of these events change my intent here, but I can’t say they won’t influence how I say it.)

It’s not just comics though, is it?  Look at this symbol:

I’ve been all over the world, and no matter where I go, this symbol means something: as much as any corporate logo, and in some cases as much as any religious emblem. Those kids 18 years ago knew that symbol. (And I will never forget the look in their eyes as they wondered if it were true…) When people see that symbol, they know it means more than ‘S.’  Sure, some people interpret it differently, but there’s one thing that symbol has meant to whomever I have talked to about it.

Look up.

With no irony, with no condescension, when you look up, Superman might be there, might just be a blue/red blur who will help us when we need it most.  More than that, Superman stands for all we have the potential to be: Superman saved a kitten from a tree.  I don’t need to be an invulnerable alien from Krypton to save a kitten.  Maybe I should save kittens, or help feed the poor, or help defend the helpless, or a million other things we CAN do without flying or being bullet-proof.

Look up.  A sensibility like that can lead to us not only looking up to see Superman, but to see ourselves up there, making this world a better place.  I know Superman is a fictional character, but he has come to symbolize an idea of something better, a light we so desperately need in our darkness.  I have many times said (and I know now incorrectly) that we want Superman; we need Batman.  No, we need a light shining in the darkness, we need an example of good with no sense of irony for our kids, for us, for our world.  The ‘S’ means that cross-culturally, an icon that instantly conveys rightness and hope for a better tomorrow.

Look up.  If you are writing Superman for page or screen, look up when you idealize him in media.  He’s important, and with the power of your written word comes great responsibility.  The essential nature of Superman is eternal and unchanging.  He is not a dark character and can never be.  His circumstances may be, but he is that light, that example.  I think the new teaser (though I am wary how good an interpretation the film will be) for the 2013 film Man of Steel does manage to capture this in Jor-El’s voice over:

"You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time you will help them accomplish wonders". 

Look up.

I have great appreciation for the Batman, and will always.  What a great character, subject of great story and film.  Unlike any other fictional character I know of though, Superman means something; something that as I get older I realize I would rather find in my fiction than just the good guy beating up the bad guy.  Something better something calling us to action.  I want to answer that call, I want to make the world around me a better place with whatever powers and abilities I as mortal man have.  And so my tastes have changed.  With this blog, I declare my favorite hero to be Superman…

…though Batman would still take him in a fight.  And indeed, perhaps the fact Batman would take the Kryptonian in a fight is validation for my thoughts.  Superman would not compromise what he stands for to do what it takes to end Batman, and therefore lose to the Man who must do anything to win.  Superman’s ends do not justify his means, and finally in my life, neither do mine.  I’ve decided to try something.

I’m looking up.

All images property of Warner Bros, no infringement intended, no profit made

Roads?

No planning here; in fact I’ve been working on another essay altogether, and this one just struck me. (To be totally forthcoming, I am as I actually post this to the blog doing a quick read-over for editing, but not changing content itself.)  It will likely ramble a bit as it is being born as I write it, and the birth process of an idea is as messy as the actual event upon which the allegory is based. 

I am reading a rather fascinating essay in it’s own right.  This author is a rather insightful 17-year-old film fan who spent two years writing a 130 page treatise on the cultural significance and deeper meaning of the seminal film Blade Runner.  He loves the film as much—more—than I do, and though he could use a good professional editor (couldn’t we all?) he’s got some wonderful ideas about the various cuts, and the greater context of cinema in the year 1982, upon which he can look with a less biased eye as he didn’t yet exist to have experienced it first hand.  I saw many of those movies in the theater, so of COURSE I think it’s the best year movies have ever had.  The fact smart kids think so too is rather refreshing.

While discussing the type of future in which Blade Runner is set he quotes another simply wonderful film—albeit from a couple of years later—Back to the Future.  We all remember that last scene: Doc Brown in with his now garbage/fusion fueled time machine comes to take Marty McFly into the magic world of 2015 (screw you, Mayans) where famously Brown notes, “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

I’ve been watching that film repeatedly for NEARLY as long a time as Brown and the McFlys traveled into the future.  Yet only now discussing potential futures does the profundity of that statement strike me.  “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”  Sure, Brown means it literally as evidenced by the flying Delorean, but think of the broader interpretation.  We’re heading for the future, and the way things are now are not the way things will be forever.  Right now we live in a nation webbed with asphalt connecting every single point with every single other point.  We live in an automobile culture (I have written elsewhere about our adoration of our cars), but one day we will beyond that.  Someday, we won’t need roads. 

Let’s get beyond the auto/road idea though.  The way in which we now live will not be the way our descendants will live.  Hell, the way we are living now won’t be the way we live 30 years from now, any more than we are living the same way as 30 years ago.  Sure, no moonbases or even widespread flying cars, but the amount of connectivity between people and information—even in the poorest of nations—changes the destiny of those nations (ask Egypt).  The way we shop, the way we get places, the way we eat, the content of our music and fiction; given only 30 years, all these things will be lost… like tears in rain (couldn’t miss that one).

With change so inevitable, we have no choice but to change ourselves, and honestly the more we fight it, the worse it will be.  Instead, we have an opportunity to shape that future.  We can cling to the past, or we can change those things we should change.  We don’t need roads; we don’t need to follow a path just because we always have.  We can ask ourselves what new way we can create to ride those ways of change. As one of my favorite futurists, Warren Ellis, states in his remarkable work Transmetropolitan, "The future is an inherently good thing."

Let’s take one more look: “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”  Imagine a world where we make decisions not to follow those darker paths, not to oppress or attack, but to act with care for our fellow humans, and with the honest intent to improve the world around us.  You feel over legislated?  When we, as a species, stop causing trouble and start working together, we don’t need to be policed or governed, we can just live.  A place where we don’t need roads.  That sounds pretty cool. 

So thanks Doc Brown for getting my attention.  Reminding me the future can be bright if only we—all of us—want it to be.  We can’t take this on singularly, we can’t just “take care of ourselves;” we have to be responsible for our fellow humans.  Because as much as things change, it is always us in the middle of it, and in 10,000 years our nature hasn’t changed nearly as much as it should.  You can’t separate yourself from the world, from the responsibilities we have as a species.  Any of us are only as good—or as bad—as all of us.  If you don’t think so, go back and read whichever book you think serves as instructions for life; not one of them I am aware of says you’re on your own.  Not Darwin, not Jesus, not Buddha, not YHVH, they all tell us about an essential collectiveness to our species.  Act on it…

…so we don’t need roads.

Dear Superman...

Dear Superman,
You probably aren't used to getting letters from adults. Usually, by the time someone has reached my age you are no longer as mystifying as you were when we were children, and you are instead something as dependable as the sunrise; an accepted part of the American landscape which can never change as you are so firmly integrated into it.

American. More on that in a minute.

Anyway, I am not someone who sees trouble and immediately looks up to see if there is a streak of red coming faster than the eye can follow to save the day. I have a job where I am responsible to taking care of trouble, and for making the world a better place. It's something I am proud to do because it is inherent in my role as a protector, and a privilege conducted in service to the nation of my birth. Ostensibly, I work as a protector of that country, but in said role I often protect others in different nations. My role as protector is often misunderstood or misinterpreted. That is all right, because I do not protect people for recognition, but rather because it is the right thing to do. I do it in the name of my country, because I love this country and feel ideals like truth and justice are inherent to what we are supposed to be. As a super power, America will have to act in situations where no one else can, and I think we have a moral obligation as a nation to do so. Any superpower has an obligation to improve the condition of the world.

I am not an "America: right or wrong" kind of guy. I am an "America: let's do it right" sort. I know my nation both as a collective of individuals and as a state makes mistakes, and sometimes as a result of those mistakes, innocents die. I don't believe you stop trying to help though, I believe you just have to do a better job when you do offer help.

America, and the protection thereof, means a lot of different things to people, evoking both blind patriotism unwilling to see the nation's mistakes, and blind fury unwilling to see the nation's good. Both such extremes are wrong. America is made up of all of us, our victories, our foibles; our loves and our hates. Above all, this nation founded on principle-not on ethnicity or faith-is about opportunity for all. Again, we have made mistakes in the past, and will do so in the future, but for the most part we are a nation of immigrants; founded by immigrants, built by immigrants, fought for by immigrants, and all one needs to be part of it really is a profound belief in Truth, Justice, and the American Way. Some differ on the definition of "American Way," but most will agree it is that anyone in America can become the best of America. With ability, drive, and passion, America should give us the opportunity to become anything. That may apply to the poor, the lost, the downtrodden. It may apply to a child cast into the night who by the grace of God or fate ends up not in death or ocean or tyranny, but in America.

I don't know where you were raised, Superman. You seem to make your home in one of our greatest cities, yet when I see you in interviews your manner is almost like people I know who grew up on a farm. I don't know if you had powers as a baby or not. There's rumors you exhibited strange feats early on, and others that say the radiation of our sun almost killed you before it empowered you. Your greatest asset though did not come from the yellow sun or the ground or the sky. Your greatest asset, came from America; your ethics.

You've been around since 1938. Imagine if you had landed in Hitler's Germany or, like a story I once read in Stalin's USSR. Would you have become arrogant as one worshiped if you had landed with an aboriginal tribe with no understanding of science, labeling you a god? Had your ship landed anywhere else in the world, would you have become Superman, or instead The Superman ruling us as might makes right? It doesn't matter, because you DID land here, and you DID learn American core values, and you DO have a moral code which makes you a protector and not a dictator. You are the epitome of the cold, hungry immigrant washed ashore in America who rises to exceed their origin. As I say, you are a constant to me; a part of America as much as the flag, or a fair deal, or Teddy Roosevelt riding a Bull Moose across a river.

Now, as I understand you are afraid you will be confused with America. God, I hope you are right. I hope children the world over see you stop a volcano, or rescue innocents from the path of war, or change the course of mighty rivers and say, "look at America at its best." In that way you provide not only a sign to them that our nation can be great, but a sign to us that it should be great. We make mistakes, but to get better we need hope, we need inspiration. We need to know that as horrible as the things we have done are, we can still be good, and still make the world a better place. More powerful than anything is the need to believe what we can be, to have a symbol, we can look to and aspire to be.

I spend a lot of my life looking at the flag for that, and wear it on my own uniform while I am out trying to make the world a better place. I know at times that flag is all someone across from me sees, and that is why it is so important I wear it well. When I am out to make the world a better place, I recognize I am a citizen of the world as well as a citizen of the most just nation in history; being a citizen of the world and a citizen of the United States are not mutually exclusive. Don't give up one for the other; be both. The world does need you, and so do we. When I think of the tragedy that could have been had you landed somewhere else, I think there is still a level upon which you need us too.

Don't walk away from America out of fear, because you think the world will confuse you with us. Instead, wear that flag in the best possible way, and show them, and America, all it can mean; all it should mean.

You were quoted as saying, "I'm an alien...born on another world. I can't help but see the bigger picture." See it then, and tell your fellow Americans what you see. Help us see it too. We will help you see what Truth, Justice, and the American Way can do on the small scale; the Red Cross worker in Haiti, the American soldier keeping peace in Bosnia. I don't defend the misguided imperialism some would want to see this country practice, but I vehemently stand up for us as a light to the world...as millions of immigrants before you have done by making this nation great. Let those who would fight against freedom and opportunity for all confuse you with America; then, help America be a country which can be easily confused with you.

Thank you for your time, Superman. I hope to see you out there as a comrade,

An American Soldier

My hooch, Baghdad 2004.

Digital Milgram

So, in this season of shopping I wanted to share a couple of experiences which happened to me while dealing with young people working in the world of retail. Now, many years ago I was both young, and worked retail, and it is quite possible I was guilty of similar actions when I did so; however, I don't think so, and I think it has to do with generational differences. Before we go on, let me take a moment to discuss the “Milgram Experiment.”




In the early 1960's, Stanley Milgram, a professor at Yale, conducted a group of experiments which basically tested how obedient people would be to authority. I won't go in depth (please read the excellent Wikipedia Article), but the basic conclusion was 65% of test subjects performed an act they believed was lethal to another human being because the guy in the lab coat told them to do so. The authority figure told them everything was fine, and though many were uncomfortable, about two thirds did it anyway.

My concern this season is about programmed obedience, but not to a guy in a lab coat, but rather to a machine.



See, in the first instance, the Lovely Jennifer and I were shopping at Target. The nice young cashier told her the bill was $85.65. She handed him $85, missing the last part. He counted the money twice, and Jennifer realized before he did that she had shorted him, and apologetically handed him another dollar.

The young man must have punched the sum of $86 into the register wrong, because he tried to give her $10 dollars change. Despite the fact he had just counted the money, the computer TOLD HIM TO GIVE HER $10, and by God, he was going to do it. Once the situation was explained, we all know all he had to do is put the ten dollar bill back in the register, and his books would be even; however, he couldn't allow the computer to be wrong. He voided the sale and started over. He was extremely apologetic and polite, but see, the Computer could not be wrong.





Our very next stop brought us to Hastings, where they were having a sale, five used books for $20. Music to my ears. The Lovely Jennifer and I confirmed with the nearest book associate that the sale was valid, and picked out some books. Then, I breezed through their comics, and picked out some stuff I wanted to sample; five issues at about $4.00 a piece. See the nice neat pattern? A $40 ticket, with $20 worth of books and $20 worth of comics.


Once we reached the register, the books began to ring up full price, but the young lady behind the computer assured us the computer would adjust the price. She punched in the coupon code, and proceeded to ask us for $70. I told her she was wrong, and there was a sale. She insisted she had punched in the code. I pointed out the two very even sums of $20 that the merchandise cost, and pointed out as well that the five comics I handed her were not $10 a piece, and did not themselves add up to $50. She insisted I must be wrong, because the computer told her this was a $70 purchase.





Those who know me understand I have a tendency to get irate when people don't listen to well reasoned arguments, particularly when just a moment of common sense thought would show there was a problem. Explaining it to her again, she tells me I shouldn't get mad at her, IF there's a problem, she did everything she was supposed to do.


Once the book manager, and then the STORE manager were involved, they realized that one of the used books was mis-marked, and therefore showing up as a new book, and not triggering the proper coupon code. Once this was dealt with, the total was indeed $40 plus tax. The manager apologized, the sales girl did not; it never occurred to her I was not angry not to get my discount, but because she was listening to the computer over her own ability to count. She was so convinced of the computer's infallibility, she forgot the main rule of customer service: the customer is always right, even when he isn't. In this case, I was right, and she never understood why. She didn't have to, because the computer would tell her what to do.




Think this is isolated? Ask the clerk at Starbucks to count your change back to you the next time you buy a latte. Take an online class and have the program score a correct answer on a test as incorrect when it is correct, then convince the instructor of that. Tell someone the forwarded email they got about Mars looking as big as the Moon, contrary to ALL COMMON SENSE is wrong. You will be met with confusion, ambivalence, and downright scorn, hopefully in that order. We don't need to worry about a government going astray, we need to worry about our machines leading us down a primrose path.




Now, am I talking Cylon-like, Terminator take over? No, because our machines are only as good as their users (the Target kid punched in the wrong data; the Hastings book had been tagged improperly). We are asking devices we believe capable of outthinking us to do so with the same information we give them in the first place. That will end in disaster.



Do your world a favor; learn to count. Think critically the next time something looks wrong. Bother to care.

And ignore the irony of it being a guy on a computer asking you to do these things.



Merry Christmas.