Unified Field Theory: Adama squared.

It's been a while since I simply dropped into full geek mode here on Black Owl, but I've had one festering for a while in the back of my head, and I think it's time. This is my unifying theory to unite the classic Glen Larson Battlestar Galactica (henceforth “GL”version), with the modern Ron D. Moore, “greatest-TV-show-ever-made-according-to-Dan” version (RDM version). There will be spoilers for both shows, so if you haven't seen or finished either, but plan to, it may be time to turn away now. You've been warned.







First, I must establish some ground rules here. I am reluctant to include Galactica 1980 in the canon as any more than an interesting thought which met the poorest execution imaginable. Indeed, setting the arrival of the Galactica to Earth in 1980 not only puts a kink in my theory, it also contradicts the Classic Galactica episode “The Hand of God” in which the ship intercepts a transmission from the Earth Apollo 11 mission to the Moon. I freely admit science was very shaky on the original show; it was never really established whether or not the Galactica even had a faster than light drive, though lightspeed travel is mentioned on a few rare occasions. Terms like “solar system” and “galaxy” are used interchangeably. I think we have to accept that there is some form of super-luminal drive however, and further that the Galactica is still pretty far from Earth at the end of season one. G1980 claims thirty years have passed since the Cylons destroyed the colonies, putting that destruction around the Earth year 1950. Unless the first season of classic Galactica is actually twenty years long (and it obviously isn't), they could not have intercepted the Moon landing. Perhaps they are moving at relativistic speeds, thereby suffering time dilation effects, but then Baltar, during his time spent with the Cylons, would have aged at a different rate than the Colonists. Besides, the Apollo transmission itself is only moving at the speed of light, so depending on how many light-years the Galactica is from Earth at intercept, it has to be that many years after the famous Moon landing on Earth. Therefore, if the Galactica is twenty light-years from the signal's origin, it is already 1989 on Earth.

I will however give 1980 credit for introducing the first human looking Cylon, which actually ties into my theory very well. After all, this has all happened before and will all happen again.

I submit that despite the fact the RDM show follows the exploits of a particular group of survivors, there would have been more. We know the Pegasus was finding other civilian ships, and doubt they found all of them. Anders' little band of merry Pyramid players can't be the only people in the mountains on Caprica when the Cylon bombs fell. Eleven other planets had to have some survivors. Yes, many would have been herded up and out when the Cylons claimed Caprica, but humans are remarkably resilient, and it does not seem that far fetched some were waving good-bye when the Cylons left Caprica to go meet up with the escaping Colonial fleet at New Caprica (as seen in “The Plan”).

So, while Kara Thrace and William Adama are off with Gaius Baltar realizing that the Cylon god-entity is in fact...God, there are a number of poor schleps mucking about on the twelve colonies who have no idea that the machines which tried to kill them are all part of an ongoing cycle of evolution throughout the universe. All they know is what our cast knew in season one: Humanity came from Kobol to found the twelve tribes, there's a thirteenth tribe out there somewhere called Earth, and by they way, we are all a bunch of poly-theists. Now of course, they are living in the ashes of holocaust, and there are problems with radiation and the like, but there is also an essential distrust of technology, and a new dark age. While Adama is burying Roslin and choosing to swear off technology, the Capricans are kind of forced into it, but still not too happy with robots.*




We know from RDM that two things happen when the Colonists settle on Earth and scuttle the fleet: one, a surviving group of “toaster” Cylons take a Basestar and go off to find their destiny; two, Humans and Cylons mix ingraining certain things into our racial memory. Their decedents will accept their zodiac, worship their gods, and eventually, with an eerie accuracy, re-discover their technology. There's 150,000 years in which to do so.

So during that 150K, what's happening in the 12 Colonies, and what's happening with our Toaster friends?

On Caprica, and the other colonies, the human race is growing again. It's going to take time; the aforementioned radiation is going to be an issue, as is the diminished population. Humans will survive though, and eventually rebuild a civilization as the Colonies of Kobol, as they were before, but with more flowy chiffon clothing. Eventually there will even be technology, and a new fleet of Battlestars. Indeed, perhaps the cycle plays out a couple of times in this period. GL Galactica may not be the first time the Capricans rise from the ashes. For this theory to work though, we do have to accept that the Colonists have lost track of how long ago humanity left Kobol; in accordance with Genesis and the Book of Mormon (on which many original BSG concepts are based) humanity came to be on Kobol only 6000 years before GL BSG takes place, brought into existence by the Beings of Light. It doesn't seem to difficult to believe those histories will be renewed by any successive generation of Capricans, confusing events in their past, but keeping the basics the same (see our own histories and Noah, Atlantis, Gilgamesh, and the Navajo story of Turtle).

Meanwhile, the surviving Toasters who leave New Earth, return to their old stomping grounds, perhaps in an effort to trace their own origins. They return to space near Kobol and the Colonies. They evolve. They start the cycle again. Perhaps those Toasters decide they still want to become organic, but not human. In GL Galactica we find out their Cylons began as a reptilian race eventually overthrown by machines... what if the origins of those reptiles were in fact the surviving Cylons from RDM Galactica, attempting a different kind of biological evolution, but instead repeating the cycle?

The result is the same. A thousand year (yahren) war between humans on the twelve colonies, and the Cylon Empire. While you and I, human/cylon decedents ourselves, are heading toward the cycle again with little ditties like the industrial revolution, the creation of pocket calculators, and eventually computers, and Bob Dylan's “All Along the Watchtower,” it seems GL Galactica is happening, and repeating the great cycle. Perhaps as racial memory, some of us even suspect such a thing is going on:

There are those who believe that life here began out there, far across the universe, with tribes of humans who may have been the forefathers of the Egyptians, or the Toltecs, or the Mayans. Some believe that there may yet be brothers of man who even now fight to survive somewhere beyond the heavens.

There are still a few mysteries here: who exactly ARE the Beings of Light and Count Iblis? Perhaps survivors of the original Kobol or original 13th Tribe (Cylon Earth), or “Angels” not unlike Head Six and Head Baltar from RDM? (I'm a little partial to the idea that perhaps somewhere there are other copies of the Final Five, and Count Iblis is a last remaining Cavil who survived the battle at The Colony.) Are the other human worlds the GL Galactica finds (Terra) also descendants from Kobol, or left over survivors from the RDM Cylon apocalypse? Is Dirk Benedict Starbuck the messianic figure Kara Thrace was? Should we count Galactica 1980? It does feature Dr. Zee, a human/Being of Light hybrid, who may be that series' Kara; and as mentioned before, GL Cylons making human versions, starting the great cycle themselves. Then I see flying motorcycles and say 'no.'

So that's the basic idea. The two Galacticas are in the same universe, but the earlier version actually happens after the newer version. Imagine Lorne Greene's rag tag fleet arriving to our world, just as our own Cylons begin to exhibit behavior not quite so subservient... say! I smell a fanfic coming on!





*As an aside, I have heard a number of people tell me they cannot believe the surviving Colonists who make it to New Earth at the end of RDM Galactica would give up technology so easily. I submit you may be off a different opinion when your iPods commit genocide and start a four year chase across the galaxy to do nothing more than kill you. Suddenly, my favorite playlists seem a little less necessary.

Digital Milgram

So, in this season of shopping I wanted to share a couple of experiences which happened to me while dealing with young people working in the world of retail. Now, many years ago I was both young, and worked retail, and it is quite possible I was guilty of similar actions when I did so; however, I don't think so, and I think it has to do with generational differences. Before we go on, let me take a moment to discuss the “Milgram Experiment.”




In the early 1960's, Stanley Milgram, a professor at Yale, conducted a group of experiments which basically tested how obedient people would be to authority. I won't go in depth (please read the excellent Wikipedia Article), but the basic conclusion was 65% of test subjects performed an act they believed was lethal to another human being because the guy in the lab coat told them to do so. The authority figure told them everything was fine, and though many were uncomfortable, about two thirds did it anyway.

My concern this season is about programmed obedience, but not to a guy in a lab coat, but rather to a machine.



See, in the first instance, the Lovely Jennifer and I were shopping at Target. The nice young cashier told her the bill was $85.65. She handed him $85, missing the last part. He counted the money twice, and Jennifer realized before he did that she had shorted him, and apologetically handed him another dollar.

The young man must have punched the sum of $86 into the register wrong, because he tried to give her $10 dollars change. Despite the fact he had just counted the money, the computer TOLD HIM TO GIVE HER $10, and by God, he was going to do it. Once the situation was explained, we all know all he had to do is put the ten dollar bill back in the register, and his books would be even; however, he couldn't allow the computer to be wrong. He voided the sale and started over. He was extremely apologetic and polite, but see, the Computer could not be wrong.





Our very next stop brought us to Hastings, where they were having a sale, five used books for $20. Music to my ears. The Lovely Jennifer and I confirmed with the nearest book associate that the sale was valid, and picked out some books. Then, I breezed through their comics, and picked out some stuff I wanted to sample; five issues at about $4.00 a piece. See the nice neat pattern? A $40 ticket, with $20 worth of books and $20 worth of comics.


Once we reached the register, the books began to ring up full price, but the young lady behind the computer assured us the computer would adjust the price. She punched in the coupon code, and proceeded to ask us for $70. I told her she was wrong, and there was a sale. She insisted she had punched in the code. I pointed out the two very even sums of $20 that the merchandise cost, and pointed out as well that the five comics I handed her were not $10 a piece, and did not themselves add up to $50. She insisted I must be wrong, because the computer told her this was a $70 purchase.





Those who know me understand I have a tendency to get irate when people don't listen to well reasoned arguments, particularly when just a moment of common sense thought would show there was a problem. Explaining it to her again, she tells me I shouldn't get mad at her, IF there's a problem, she did everything she was supposed to do.


Once the book manager, and then the STORE manager were involved, they realized that one of the used books was mis-marked, and therefore showing up as a new book, and not triggering the proper coupon code. Once this was dealt with, the total was indeed $40 plus tax. The manager apologized, the sales girl did not; it never occurred to her I was not angry not to get my discount, but because she was listening to the computer over her own ability to count. She was so convinced of the computer's infallibility, she forgot the main rule of customer service: the customer is always right, even when he isn't. In this case, I was right, and she never understood why. She didn't have to, because the computer would tell her what to do.




Think this is isolated? Ask the clerk at Starbucks to count your change back to you the next time you buy a latte. Take an online class and have the program score a correct answer on a test as incorrect when it is correct, then convince the instructor of that. Tell someone the forwarded email they got about Mars looking as big as the Moon, contrary to ALL COMMON SENSE is wrong. You will be met with confusion, ambivalence, and downright scorn, hopefully in that order. We don't need to worry about a government going astray, we need to worry about our machines leading us down a primrose path.




Now, am I talking Cylon-like, Terminator take over? No, because our machines are only as good as their users (the Target kid punched in the wrong data; the Hastings book had been tagged improperly). We are asking devices we believe capable of outthinking us to do so with the same information we give them in the first place. That will end in disaster.



Do your world a favor; learn to count. Think critically the next time something looks wrong. Bother to care.

And ignore the irony of it being a guy on a computer asking you to do these things.



Merry Christmas.

This has all happened before...

One week has basically passed since I watched the last episode of Battlestar Galactica. I initially intended to write a complete review of all four seasons, including all the emotional investment I had in this show. After page six I realized I was really on an incoherent rant of adoration, so I have decided to regroup and try again, and maybe, just maybe I will let the long version out one day. Likely not though...

Battlestar Galactica is simply the finest piece of drama ever aired on television. From plot to character development, to Special Effects; simply fantastic, and surpasses my former favorite, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Rather than go on for paragraphs without end about how I discovered and grew with this show, I am going to list my ten favorite moments. If you have not seen season 4.5, stay away from 8, 9, and 10.


1) Lee Adama blows up a civilian transport. I was intrigued by the miniseries, but it was the first regular episode, “33,” which sealed the deal for me. For five days, the Cylons have ambushed Galactica and the fleet every 33 minutes. Finally, it seems the civilian vessel “The Olympic Carrier” might in fact be under the control of Cylon agents. There's no time to investigate, there's no time to evacuate. Adama orders Apollo to blow it up. That's when I knew this wasn't just any show.

2) Boomer lets everyone know she's a Cylon. We find out Boomer is really a Cylon at the end of the miniseries. Everyone else on Galactica finds out when she walks into the CiC and puts two rounds into Commander Adama's chest. Now that's a cliffhanger!

3) Pegasus returns. We find out Galactica was not the only surviving Battlestar, but Admiral Cain of the Pegasus is a lot more Darwinian then Adama. She's all about human survival; at least the ones who follow her orders.

4) Baltar wakes up one year later. The Colonists elect Baltar president, find a place to settle down, and form New Caprica. He's napping on his desk one day when he wakes up to the Cylon fleet flying over. So begins the occupation.


5) Saul gives Ellen a drink. During the Cylon occupation, Saul Tigh, Galen Tyrol, and Sam Anders run a resistance. In order to save Saul, his wife Ellen gives information to the Cylon occupiers. Saul poisons her. Here's a character I hated for this entire run, and in the moment she looks at the cup and says, “I'm thirsty,” you want it not to happen. Yet it does. And she dies.

6) Crossroads Part II. In ten minutes time, four characters we've been watching for years are revealed as Cylons, those Cylons are drawn together by the song “All Along the Watchtower,” and Starbuck comes back from the dead to lead them all to Earth. Everything you thought you knew about the show was torn away in ten minutes. Holy Frak.


7) The fleet finds Earth. All the signs and portents of the past three years bring them to a blue planet. They fly down to the surface; it's a ruined radioactive cinder. Earth, a world of Cylons, destroyed itself 2000 years earlier.




SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN 4.5 DO NOT READ 8, 9, OR 10!!!




8) Gaeta's stump stops itching. Having lost his leg to Starbuck's quest for Earth, and then watching the fleet ally itself with Cylons, and THEN finding out Earth was a joke, Gaeta teams up with Tom Zarek to overthrow Adama. The whole episode, his stump itches and bothers him. When finally arrested and awaiting execution, he looks down at his stump in amazement. “It stopped,” he says, as the rifles fire.

9) Roslin is coming for all of you. During Gaeta and Zarek's coup, Roslin escapes to the allied Basestar. Zarek tells her over the radio Adama is dead. Roslin becomes death incarnate. The Cylons she's hanging out with? Scared Shitless. Roslin delivers the most chilling threat in literary history when asked to surrender:

No. Not now. Not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eyeteeth to end you. I swear it! I'm coming for all of you!

In that moment, while the murderous, genocidal machines look on in horror, Laura Roslin becomes one of the five hottest women in Science Fiction history. She was always an attractive older woman. Right there though? Smokin' hot.

10) Starbuck learns Dylan. A mysterious piano player shows up, and reminds Starbuck of her father. He manages to remind her of a song her father used to play on piano...little ditty called “All Along the Watchtower.” The look on Saul Tigh's face when she plays it is absolutely priceless.

And that brings us to the finale- perfect. Completely perfect, I don't care what anyone may say about Starbuck's fate, the identity of the Cylon God (who doesn't like being called that) or Mitochondrial Eve. The show winds up exactly where it must, yet not in any way I could have predicted. Marvelous. I won't, but I could double the length of this list with moments only from that final episode.






END OF SPOILERS!!!!!



So now it is gone, and I am going to miss it. I will tell you this. This is classic storytelling- the type of storytelling which will mean something different at different stages in your life, like a Shakespearian classic, or something by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Yet, the show was full of spaceships and robots. If you are a fan of truly great human drama, watch Battlestar. It happens to be sci fi, but I don't think you'll find anything in any genre more compelling. Thank you Ron Moore. I can't wait to watch it all again.