Batman's Smart.

Comic geeks like me can laugh at this picture.

Grammar geeks like me can debate the meaning of this post's title.

Geeky, squared.

One stone, and a few birds.

I am currently living in an area of the country where this ad is running and I love it and want to share. I also wanted to teach myself how to embed video here (seems simple enough) so I am meeting both goals and putting it here.





Before anyone gets all concerned no birds were harmed making this video. (Swear to God, saw someone else's blog about how cruel this ad was. I suppose I shouldn't criticize-- special effects have only existed for what? Sixty years? That blogger may not be aware it's possible... Trying not to be negative, but sometimes my fellow humans need clues.) Hope you dig it.

I can't review this film.

So, I had every intention of pouring my adoration and praise on this film, this thing we call "The Dark Knight." So, I looked around to see what others were saying, see how the buzz was. I watched the box office. I was all ready to give my honest efforts to convince people what an incredible film this is, and get them to go give it a shot.

I guess I don't have to.

Look at the other movies I give lip service to here-- "Hancock," "Superman Returns;" these are movies I don't think got a fair shake and needed to be relooked. It seems obvious the remarkable piece of film Chris Nolan has given us has found its audience, and it really doesn't need me to help.

I was looking forward to pointing out the sublime intensity Heath Ledger brought to the Joker, to the point that you never look at the screen and say "oh look, it's Heath Ledger" but rather "oh God, it's the Joker." But a thousand other reviews have already done this. I want to talk about how this movie is a marvelous crime film that could just as easily have names like "Coppola" or "Scorsese" attached; that's been done as well.

As far as my reaction to the film, you can pretty much read Jett's review at Batman On Film here. He pretty well sums up how I felt after the film as well.

And, for once, a truly fine film is actually making the money it deserves. Now, I suppose my only hope is the overwrought, over-produced, over-long "Titanic" gets deposed as highest grossing film.

So, I am not really going to talk about "The Dark Knight." Leave the kids at home and go see it. It's the Batman movie I have been waiting for since Denny O'Neil (or back when Frank Miller still got it).

Wait! I do have a complaint. The movie makes "Batman Begins" seem old-fashioned. I really liked that movie...

Will there be a third? Will the Dark Knight Return? If he does I hope he brings at least one of these guys with him.





I do wish he could bring this guy.

I know the origin of the Joker!

Someone took their toddler to see this guy at the movie theater!



I could indeed wax poetic about this movie, and use all kinds of well deserved hyperbole. Let's just say I think I am going to have to choose which one of my top five favorite movies to bump to number six so Dark Knight can be number one. All the emotion and visceral effect I was looking for in movies this summer is here, giving me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach every time the Joker came on screen. Not only is the Joker anarchist, the movie makers destroyed all the rules of summer movie making to give us a film where the good guys really don't win. Brilliant movie.

Now let me explain the title of this blog.

Both times I have (so far) gone to the theater to see this film, someone had toddlers or babies there, to include a 9pm showing. Now, yes I also sat next to the Oh Shit Guy, but about six minutes and four "oh shits" into the film one patented "Dan's Scornfully Delivered Glare of Scorn" put an end to that. It was the three year old sitting behind me that was the problem. Not just for my enjoyment of the film, but the fact these parents didn't bother to be parent enough to look into this movie before dragging the kid in to see the most convincing portrayal of a sociopath in movie history. To be fair, the movie should be rated R, not PG 13; however, there's a large gap between 13 and 3. Let me thank these lousy parents for the reminder about why I had stopped going to movie theaters. And I hope when their kids' first mug shot looks like this:



They don't blame movies or video games or some other excuse, they accept they were just bad parents.

More about the movie later... Thanks for indulging my crotchety gripe about youngsters.

Ironically giving my opinion on not caring about someone elses opinion.

I am doing this one on the fly as the story unfolds, and the Lovely Jennifer and I are getting ready to leave town, so I only hope it comes out coherently...

Recently Jesse Jackson while thinking he was having a private conversation used the term "nigger." (Please notice I am not using 'The N-Word'; I think it is a complete cop out which reduces the despicable ugliness of the word, and it's a word that should be despicable and ugly.) Now, the folks who are revealing Jackson using this word have not bothered to give us any sort of context (i.e. did Jesse say "Barack Obama is an uppity nigger" or did he say "Bill O'Reilly called me a 'nigger' five minutes ago"?). We just don't know what he was talking about. Bad on them for stirring up controversy for controversy's sake. I would imagine if it was truly damning, we would have the full context, but obviously there is something that would weaken their anti-Jackson message if we saw it all.

That's its own discussion though. Whether or not Jackson gets to use the term without repercussion, whether or not Faux news should share... not relevant to what I want to say right now.

My big beef right now is with MSNBC. While watching the morning news, I have seen them show a clip once an hour of some rich blonde Cracker (do I have to call that the 'C-word' or can I say cracker? I think 'c-word' usually connotes something else though... decide for yourself if I think that is applicable) from the TV show "The View" coming to tears over the idea that anyone would use the word. I could go on all kinds of rants about rich white people really having no say on whether or not the word 'nigger' should be used, but she's on a talk show and their job is to talk. If someone thinks these four women's opinions are important enough to tune in for, that's their problem. I don't really give a crap about their opinions, or the opinions of most humans who are not in my inner circle. What I wanted to see from MSNBC was NEWS! Showing me whiny white chicks going off on a sob fest about a black dude who chose to use a word inflammatory to his color is NOT NEWS! It's not even an Op-Ed. It is a waste of my time when you could be telling me about important things. Things like news from Babylon that I have to look on the BBC website for because American news programs have decided suicide bombings performed by Babylonians we hired to do our security is less important that Jesse Jackson whispering "nigger." That pisses me off and makes me say WHO GIVES A FUCK (notice I did not use the term 'the f-word'; it is a complete cop out which reduces the crude shock value of the word, and it is a word that I think should still be crude and shocking).

The news needs to stop telling me how I should "feel" about world events. I should get the facts so I know what to THINK about world events. Let's turn off this feely crap for a while and think about the fate of our world and country, OK?

Go read this man's comic.

(Warning up front- we're about to get really geeky)

Look, I miss Ted Kord too. He was a fun, jolly guy, and I still get a bit choked up when I crack open my OMAC Project TPB and see Max Lord but a bullet in dear Ted's head. He was smarter than Batman, and had moxie to the end ("Rot in hell, Max.") but simple fact is he's gone. Dead. I would say Bucky Barnes or Jason Todd dead, but that doesn't mean what it used to: J'onn J'onzz dead maybe? Anyway, enjoy the fact Ted is still out there on Carlton Earth with Vic Sage as the Question doing their thing and realize that drama means conflict and conflict means change.

What I am getting at is this-- if you refuse to read Blue Beetle because it is Jaime Reyes and not Ted Kord you are, in the vernacular, a big doo-doo head. The most consistently entertaining regular Superhero title in comics right now is Blue Beetle. Sixteen year old Jaime Reyes is what Peter Parker used to be- interesting. He's got a wonderful supporting cast, many of which are his teenage friends. What do you know, after 70 years of superheroes, there's a title that acknowledges the world is different for these people. These teenage kids aren't worried about drivebys and terrorists-- they are in a world where aliens and supervillains regularly attack the planet! They want to do something about it. Jaime and his buddies are still going through teenage stuff, but in the middle of that, he's kinda getting a kick out of having superpowers. Good for him!

Something else this titles does most don't, is you can pick up pretty much any issue, and get a whole story. Indeed something ingenious John Rogers does on his run as writer is tells a number of good one-shots with cool guest stars, and then does a couple issues tying it all into an arc- if you haven't read those issues, the tie-together stands on its own telling you what you need, and if you did read them, ok.

Also unlike the abominable changes that overtook Checkmate and All-New Atom when they changed writers, the rotating authors on Beetle actually keep the character consistent, and make him someone I want to read about.

In short Blue Beetle is fun, well written, doesn't require you to read thirty other books to know what's going on, and features someone who may be the only ethnic superhero from a major company who doesn't give in to stereotyping. He's a Hispanic kid from El Paso, and acts as such without become DC's token Mexican character.

And if you miss Ted Kord like I do, seeing Jaime learning how to be a superhero from reading Ted's notes should be a real treat.

Please go buy this book while you still can. I am sure DC is going to kill it; it is actually entertaining and not full of CRISIS!!!!!!

You might even get an occasional Bwaa-ha-ha! If you know what I mean by that you are a big geek. Welcome.

Go see this man's film.

So, I braved the Oh Shit Guy and the Giggly Teenage Girl Group to go see Hancock last night. Thankfully, OSG must have been at Wanted, though the Girls were in my theater. Someone told them to shut the hell up before I did though, so I was able to actually watch the movie in peace.

I know this movie is getting some very mediocre reviews. They are wrong. See, three days before I went to see The Incredible Hulk, which was fine but lacking in almost any emotional resonance. Apparently Hancock absorbed it all Rogue style because unlike the "let's focus on nothing but Hulk smash" script, there's actually emotions and drama in Hancock, and like Iron Man, it's a grown up film which happens to be about Superheroes. Indeed, that may be the problem-- I would compare it to another movie I really liked that no one else did, Superman Returns. Each are about real people in a world which allows superbeings to exist. Each involves characters having to deal with the consequences of their decisions. And each deserves more audience than it is getting. Yeah, I know Will Smith is richer than King Farouq- then go see the movie to help out Jason Bateman. He's incredibly talented, vastly underrated, and may be the hero of this film. I am keeping this review spoiler free, but depending what Dark Knight does for me, this may be my favorite movie of the summer.

Rights and Left

All over the Liberal Media (and when I say Liberal Media, I mean those who are self labeled as such, i.e. Air America Radio, etc), I see a flurry of accusations regarding the current administration's attacks on American Civil Liberties. From the suspension of Habeas Corpus, Warrant-less wire tapping, the Patriot Act allowing for search warrants to be issued by law enforcement agencies without a judge's signature provided it's under the auspices of national defense-- it would seem there may be plenty of reason to fear the intentions of the current administration. (For a timeline of alleged civil rights violations, check out this site . Check this site out. They also enumerate the violations of civil liberties by the administration.)

So what do you do? How do you keep these violations from expanding? The Democrats won Congress in 2006, but that hasn't really changed anything. Citizens have conducted protests all over the country, but it hasn't really changed anything. Courts have not been able to hold members of the administration accountable for anything, even as egregious as outing our own covert agents engaged in fighting the War on Terror.

At this time only the most crazed of talking heads are talking about subjects like martial law, or certain people refusing to leave office, but what about three or four administrations down the road? If there is another terror attack on U.S. Soil could a future administration take that step in an emergency, and then refuse to reinstate due process for our Republic when the crisis passed? Unfortunately, history is on the side of the Tyrants. Every Republic in history became an Empire; every Democracy in history fell to the rule of might over the rule of reason. If only the Founders could have had the foresight to provide a means to protect freedom from an overzealous administration so our children will be free to waste their time on TV and pizza too. Oh wait...

It's called the Second Amendment, and recently the Supreme Court upheld the fact it supports the individual's right to own a firearm. The Liberal pundits have not been pleased. Now, I am no lawyer, and far more intelligent people than me have interpreted the Second Amendment to mean things like the National Guard, hence the use of the term “well regulated militia” in its text. I have seen the arguments about how “you don't need an AK-47 to hunt deer, or to protect your family from crime.” I even heard a Liberal commentator for whom I have great respect make the argument that the firearms protected by the Second Amendment would be firearms similar to those which existed in 1789.

Again, there are people far more versed in Constitutional law than I, however I don't understand why there is confusion over the intent of the Amendment. The Right to Bear Arms is not about hunting or stopping crime. The Right to Bear Arms is so the Citizenry can defend itself from tyrants. How can I come to this interpretation? It's called “context.” ALL of the Amendments in the Bill of Rights are to protect the citizenry from an overzealous Federal Government. You may remember (or maybe you don't) that there were two primary factions when the Constitution was written: the Federalists and the Anti-Federalists. As a compromise between those who wanted a strong central government and those who feared it descending into tyranny, the Framers wrote the Bill of Rights. This is an enumerated list of rights the Federal Government could not screw with to ensure justice for generations to come as the Nation grew.

Should the Second Amendment be frozen in time? Does it apply only to the weapons that existed when the Bill was written? By that reckoning, the First Amendment could only apply to speech or religion which existed in 1789. The Internet would not be protected by the First Amendment. Gangster Rap would not be protected by the First Amendment. Comic books would not be protected by the First Amendment. Television or radio news commentary would not be protected by the First Amendment.

Arguing that the Second Amendment is outdated would mean the Administration is right-- the Fourth Amendment, the Fifth Amendment, the Sixth Amendment, all of them are outdated and the Founders were too shortsighted to imagine the War on Terror. As Liberals argue the Second Amendment is outdated, they are giving tacit approval to the Administration's assertion that other Amendments in the Bill of Rights are outdated.

Now, I do think there is validity to the idea the Second Amendment calls for a State-run militia to regulate the armed citizenry. However, I cannot accept this as being the National Guard for one simple reason: The National Guard can be activated under Federal control. Indeed, I served with National Guard folks in Babylon, not exactly a force meant to protect the citizenry from a tyrannical government (unless we are now saying the Bill of Rights extends to Babylonians too. If the Bill of Rights DOES extend to the Babylonians, then it certainly extends to those in Guantanamo Bay...).

So it comes back to my original confusion. Liberal pundits believe the administration is bordering on tyranny and bending the Bill of Rights to their own interpretation. Yet, it is a similar misinterpretation they wish to apply to the Second Amendment. Conservatives are just as bad when saying it's OK to take Habeas Corpus from certain citizens, but dear God don't touch my guns. We can't have it both ways. The Second Amendment is there to protect us from Tyranny- of course you try to resolve any issues in the system first. Of course voting and protest and the legal system are the primary weapons against tyranny. Of course we as a citizenry have the responsibility of acting like adults if we are going to keep our right to Bear Arms, and if you have violated the social contract by committing a crime, you forfeit the right to be part of the body politic. But when all else has failed, if a President some election decides two terms are not enough, and he is now President for Life. When the rights of the citizens are no longer considered and the infringement of those rights is the norm and not the horrid exception, the citizenry must be prepared to fight for their rights just as the Founders did with the right the Founders gave us for just such an occasion- the Right of the Individual to Keep and Bear Arms.

I don't think we are there, and I am most certainly not calling for armed revolution, but I applaud the Supreme Court decision, and ask my friends on the Left in this Country why they are complaining about THIS Constitutional Right being upheld when so many others are not. I ask my friends on Right to apply the same vehemence to protecting the other nine Amendments as they do the Second. It's what keeps us free, and keeps this Nation one worth defending if you love liberty, and attacking if you are a tyrant.

Dear Right and Left, the Constitution exists independent of your party politics, and objective to political wants. It is a marvelous document that history has not yet progressed beyond. Now, on this anniversary of our Nation's birth, I reprint the greatest gift one Generation ever gave succeeding Generations, The United States Bill of Rights. This is what I have sworn to uphold and defend against all enemies, foreign and domestic. Those enemies include apathy, greed, and closed-mindedness. Right, Left, open your minds and look upon the self evident truths enumerated below granting We the People our Freedom. Amen.


The United States Bill of Rights.
The Ten Original Amendments to the Constitution of the United States Passed by Congress September 25,
1789 Ratified December 15, 1791

I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

II
A well−regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

III No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

IV
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

V
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation.

VI
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

VII
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise re−examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

VIII
Excessive bail shall not be required nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

IX
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

X
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.


Use them together, use them in peace (OK- that's actually from 2010:Odyssey Two, but you get the idea...) Happy Fourth.

"...oh, and while you are at it Lord, how about a cheeseburger?"

OK- I am all about the Omnipotent God. Me and the Lord go way back, and I have no doubt He is capable of anything He wants to be. However, earlier today I was watching CNN, and I see there are people forming prayer circles to pray for lower gas prices.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are running rampant over the Earth, and we aren't praying for peace, or food for the starving, but lower gas prices so we can keep driving our Humvees.

Do you remember the joke about the guy whose house is flooding? The sheriff comes to him in a 4x4 as the waters start rising, and the man refuses to evacuate, saying the Lord will take care of him. Later the Sheriff has to bring a boat, and still the man refuses to evacuate, saying the Lord will take care of him. Finally, as the man is on his roof to escape the waters, the Sheriff flies by in a helicopter, begging the man to evacuate. For a third time the man refuses, saying the Lord will take care of him. A while later as the man stands atop his chimney, and the waters have reached his neck, he cries out in anger to God, "I had faith in you to take care of me Lord! Why have you abandoned me?!" And from on high comes a voice:
"I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter; what more do you want?"

I can see these guys standing around the gas pumps praying for lower gas prices, and from on high comes a voice:
"I gave you solar power, wind generators, and hybrids; what more do you want?"

The End of the Second Babylonian Exile

Well ladies, gentlemen, and all others who might possibly tune back into this fallow blog, I have returned to the Homeland, and left the dust, grime, carnage, and blood of Babylon once more behind me. Yet another bit of service to my firm is done, and I can look forward now to…

Well, the third Babylonian Exile. Not immediate of course, but I have no illusions that my service to the South Canadian Empire will not lead me to again breathe the acrid stench of burning garbage, fecal matter, and high explosive that is Babylon. It is only my hope that I cannot in a few years coyly write a blog entry called “Babylon 5.” That will suck.

So why have I been so quiet? Well, my firm has decided to keep an eye on those who would blogify their experiences in Babylon. Ostensibly, this is to prevent Faux News style gaps in operational security (while here I watched a Faux News reporter describe on national television the inner workings of a system so secret I don’t even want to mention it here because I am sure it is a keyword search for the No Such Agency). However, I am somehow loathe to want to register my free thoughts with the modern equivalent of a political officer. So, I have bottled up all kinds of stuff, mentally relieving myself once on leave (last entry) and now with my triumphant return to the Homeland. Oh what a difference months can make.

If you will look below, you will see I made comment that my firm can be taught. I now know that my firm can also forget everything it learned. Somehow, as if a switch was flipped, or I slid through a strange gap in the Space/Time Continuum, my return form leave to Babylon brought me to a unit operating as if it were the halcyon days of 2004. Precise targeting for apprehension gave way to hearsay, and we again put a huge wall between the left hand and the right hand. My hope has been pretty well beaten out of me as I watch us not understand who our enemy is, not understand how to keep friends, and not understand why people want to blow us up. Oy. At least the explosions keeping me up all night this time were outgoing, and I can say it rained metal on me and my comrades much less than before.

Why the hell aren’t we running out of Babylonians to blow up? Because, when you blow one up, it ticks off his fellow tribe members. “Tribe? Well that’s a silly reason to want to kill someone! Why aren’t they acting like South Canadians and just sucking it up?” Because, Einstein, they are BABYLONIANS AND THEY THINK AND ACT LIKE BABYLONIANS!!!! In this culture, if you kill a tribe or family member, regardless of how friendly your two tribes are, there’s a debt of honor that must be paid. Usually with something explosive.

Another little factor is what I call the “I want your goat” factor. Joe the Babylonian wants Frank the Babylonian’s goat. It is a very simple matter to find a member of my firm and say, “Frank is a terrorist!” Early in this tour, we would wait for a few guys to say Frank was a terrorist. By the end, Joe didn’t even have to write it down and we would storm into Joe’s house in the middle of the night and whisk him away to talk to Imperial Inquisitors. Time passes, Joe comes home to find his goat gone, along with most of his worldly possessions, and possibly his daughters or wife, Joe gets angry. Poof! Instant terrorist. It is also amusing to watch the tribal leaders swear the rival tribes’ males are all terrorists, and likely harboring Usamah bin Laden himself. After all, they are the same sect, and everyone knows you can’t trust a (insert opposite sect here).

So, what progress has five years in Babylon made? Well… I really didn’t see any. There are pockets of normalcy, but the simple fact is these people are killing each other in droves and we are basically a single finger in a very large, very creaky dike. I hope, I hope, I hope. I wish, I wish, I wish. But I don’t see it getting better anytime soon, and for every step forward we sponsor, we then take a couple in reverse.

“WHY DAN? WHY IS BABYLON SO FRACKED UP?” as Starbuck would ask. I have a very short succinct answer that will get me in trouble with a lot of people for whom I care deeply:

Religion.

Oh wait, allow me to elucidate. It’s not Islam I have an issue with, though primarily it is not my bag. The issue is fundamentalism. A belief system of any sort so close-minded, so intractable, so self-righteous it cannot allow for even the possibility that it might have some things wrong and someone else might have some things right. See, if I can’t be wrong, you can’t be right unless you believe exactly what I do. If that’s my base assumption, I start going from there. I can never allow anyone to change what I think, and anyone who offers a counter-opinion is not only wrong, but a problem. And even if I am firm in my faith, what if some infidel decides to talk to my children when I am not around? Then, someone who believes differently is not just wrong, they become…

A threat. The very existence of a different way of thinking is a threat to my family, my tribe, my culture. I have to stop them, I must keep my faith pure. Besides, if they don’t believe like I do, they aren’t in God’s favor anyway, He won’t mind if I discriminate to keep them away for my kids. Or shun. Or banish. Or murder. Heck, I bet God WANTS me to kill people who don’t believe like I do! That means more opportunity for people on the right path to succeed, so long as there are less infidels.

Another aspect of fundamentalism is the idea that you hold no responsibility because anything that happens is God’s will. In Arabic, this is “Insha’ Allah-” as God wills it. This answer is handed out whenever you ask someone why they don’t make things better, why they don’t actually stop the bad guys? Insha’ Allah. C’est La Vie. Que Sara Sara. Predestination. Fate. There is nothing I can do, because it is all up to God, He has removed all responsibility and culpability from me. I have actually seen Babylonian soldiers puzzled that we want them to practice marksmanship- if God wants them to hit the target, they will. Practice is futile. Making a decision is futile. Taking hold of your future is futile.

Sound familiar? Willing to kill those who don’t think like me, and denying all responsibility for your actions? That’s what leads to people crashing airplanes into sky scrapers. That’s what leads honest citizens to feed other citizens into ovens. That’s what leads to people burning down Black churches or Synagogues. That’s what leads to Jihads/Crusades, which are the same thing in a different language; killing in the name of God. I am sorry. It’s wrong to kill I the name of God, and that is what I am intractable about. If God wanted us killing each other, the Israelites wouldn’t have a commandment saying “You will not Murder.” Jesus would not have gotten nailed to a tree for telling people to love each other. Muhammad wouldn’t have tried to pull warring Arab tribes together under the banner of a religion whose very name means “of Peace.” I could go into Karma, and Nirvana, and a myriad of other religions that all agree on one thing- God wants us working together not whacking one another. When does it go wrong? How does “Love one another as I have loved you” become the Spanish Inquisition?

Intractability. Intolerance. Fundamentalism. Nearly every conflict on Earth right now can somehow be traced to Fundamentalist belief in something- Wahabbist Islam, Fanatical Zionism, (insert ethnicity here) Supremacy, dogmatic Christian intolerance, the Almighty Dollar.

And several of those fundamentalist beliefs come together in Babylon. And that my dear Starbuck, is why Babylon is so fracked up. And no one believes we can really do anything about it, because Insha’ Allah.

Don’t misunderstand me -- I am all about protecting MY way of life. I am all about defending MY family, and nation, and people. Unlike most people who like to bitch about such things*, I actually took an oath and put my life on the line to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic, and to bear true faith and allegiance to the same.” When I see though how my Firm is being crushed by the intractable fundamentalism of the Babylonians as it slams up against the intractable fundamentalism of my nation’s decision makers, I can’t help but think this sick, tired, over spent, frustrated, angry force is going to have a hell of a time defending MY way of life, MY family, MY nation, and MY people when a serious threat crops up.

So, as my Second Babylonian Exile ends, I look forward to the third one, whenever that may be. It is my earnest hope that Babylon is the worst fight my Firm ever has to deal with again.

History tells me it won’t be. So make your choice my South Canadian Empire, my beloved fellow citizens of my United States of America. Do we keep fumbling around in Babylon, rubbing our fundamentalism on theirs? Or do we regroup, reassess, and redirect toward where a real threat may actually be? Where Al-Qa’ida has regrouped in the mountains between Pakistan and Afghanistan? Where China waits for us to blink with the ability to raise an Army equal to our entire population? Where fundamentalists in the former Soviet Bloc are passing nuclear materials like they are cards in a bridge tournament? Where the actual source of most of our oil is under an arrogant twit like Hugo Chavez? To be fair, you should know what happens to Babylon when we leave.

Blood. Blood on a scale that makes what we spill now look like something we can slap a band-aid on. But it is a decision too important to leave to fate, too important to not let out nation’s decision makers (who I will remind you WORK FOR YOU) know what you think. Don’t give me any Insha’ Allah crap, get up, make a decision, make your voice heard, whichever track you follow. Choose America, choose what you want. But for Gods’ sake, actually make a choice, don’t just sit there waiting for someone to make the decision for you, for someone else to take responsibility.

Your protectors are tired. And we’d really like to do something right.


*as I read over the above, I would like to add a small caveat. As you choose, as you research, check facts, and make an informed decision I ask one more thing. If you choose war, and that’s fine if you honestly believe it, if you choose war put your ass behind your decision. Five million people make up your complete armed forces. All of it. There are 300 million Americans. Yeah, I know that includes children and the elderly, and those who have already served and paid their way as citizens. However, if one percent- just three million more Americans, put their lives on hold for five years and served in the military the burden would be immeasurably lessened on those here now. And I say, particularly if you think the occupation of Babylon is a good idea (and I am not arguing either way right now) it seems to me you have an obligation.

However, it is very possible right now I am just tired and disgruntled, and after all misery loves company.

Bloggy Mountain Breakdown

Oh, so long overdue, but it is time for an update! Seven months in Babylon, and currently on leave, I have the time to ponder a bit before heading back to do another seven or so (thanks for the 15 month rotations! They REALLY increase morale!). So, here now are seven things I have learned in seven months in Babylon.

1) The Mandolin. The lovely Jennifer denied me something for the first time ever—a banjo. I am sure some of you are “yes, we understand,” while a small, small minority says “but the banjo is so cool!” Not to be discouraged, I went looking for other ways to appease my jangly bluegrass fixations, and a mandolin was approved. Now, I will tell you that I am no Bill Monroe, and certainly not a Flatt or Scruggs (pardon my sacrilege, and my age I can never remember which one was the mandolin player, and which was the banjoist. I am however listening to the Flatt and Scruggs “Bonnie and Clyde” album as I write this and it is beyond phenomenal if you have never heard it). The Mandolin is however a lot of fun to play, and has provided me some fine distractions.

2) My current firm can be taught. Despite all the missteps I have previously related in this blog, the Army of the South Canadian Empire is really actually doing a better job this time around. The proper application of carrot and stick works with the Babylonians, and not to say I told them so, but, I told them so.

3) Anything less than 10 years will not help Babylon. Don’t know that my firm can sustain that.

4) Morale is directly connected to boot comfort.

5) Morale is directly connected to the ability to Skype with the lovely Jennifer.

6) I have given up on Marvel Comics, and really hope DC pulls its head out of its arse. The whole Marvel Civil War/World War Hulk/Dead Captain America/Dead Aunt May thing just blows really. The Marvel universe is just not a fun place to visit anymore. DC did some neat things with the Infinite Crisis and 52, but having events for the sake of events is getting tiresome. Countdown blows, and here’s a novel concept for you; how about focusing on giving me 22 pages of good story. We’ve had the big events, you’ve re-written the universe. Now, go play in the big new sandbox. To completely shoot down my own argument though, let me say I am really enjoying the Sinestro War in the Green Lantern titles. The shadow of Alan Moore falls heavily there though, and I will never forgive them if the kill Mogo-- just so we are clear DiDio.

7) My favorite human is the lovely Jennifer. Still and always. The separations never get easier, and my goal in life is to get to the end of my career so I never have to leave her side again. She is my heart and soul, my night and day, and the love of any life I might have lived or yet live. Even if she won’t let me have a banjo.

Alas, Babylon...

Well, I'm going where the weather suits my clothes. Be safe all, and expect irony laden posts about Babylon soon...

Blurry Vision of a Blurry World

Well, I recently underwent PRK surgery on my eyes, which meant some time sitting at home with the news on- which I couldn't really watch being as I was half-blind and drugged up. As a result, if I remember currectly the current events of the world seem to be a Bald Britney Spears going into Sadr City to bury Anna Nicole Smith but instead finding the Tomb of Jesus, whom Condoleeza Rice said was like the Nazis, but Hillary Clinton said that was OK because she was used to dealing with bad men like Barack Obama who is a Muslim who crashed the stock market and sent a tornado to Enterprise, Alabama. There may have been a commercial about a caveman in there as well. Let's see if I can sort this out.

-Britney: somebody buy her an island, and leave here there with no drugs, booze, or parties for a year. Maybe we can leave her a nice bow and arrow and we can get a superhero out of the deal (shout out to my fellow Green Arrow fans).

-Anna: oh wait, don't care. Apparently, since MSNBC's viewers went up five times during their OJ-like coverage of this bullshit, someone does care. Thanks America, for being vapid.

-Sadr City: private message to Muq Al Sadr (we're tight, I can call him Muq)- tell your people to sit down and shut up. We'll jump at the chance to declare victory, go away and then you exterminate Sunnis all you want. Remember though, they have friends... By the way- pretty amazing and sad to me that news about Iraq in general has taken a second seat to the above tales of woe. Way to support the troops there America!

-The Lost Tomb of Jesus: They know it's the tomb of THE Jesus because of the ministry his mother Mary carried on after his death that most of his followers fell under leading to the spread of Christianity in the Greco Roman world and the latinization of her name which appears on the Ossuary. What was it latinized to, "Paul"? I've read a lot of Jesus-stuff, both dogmatic and not, and no one talks about the Virgin Mary becoming a great Rabbi. They also point out that there's a Matthias in the tomb, and Jesus' great great grandfather on Mary's side was Matthias; so, Joseph didn't live long enough to get buried in this tomb in Jerusalem with the rest of them, but Jesus' great great grandfather did? I'm the first to say that the Gospel writiers wrote what they knew to be true, and that it may not be particularly objective. I'm the first to say that there's more to this Jesus thing than Christian dogma would have us believe. But I think we're going to find out that these names got on these caskets the same way that "James, brother of Jesus" one got there; it was scratched in by the guy who dug it up. I also think that we wouldn't even know enough to recongnize the real thing as possibly being Jesus of Nazareth's tomb if it is out there. Hmm- maybe I'll do some Jesus bloggin' here soon, Babylon not withstanding.

-Condi Rice: She doesn't want to redefine that American mission in Iraq because it would be like redefining what we did in Germany after WWII. Well, as smart guy/smart ass Keith Olberman has already pointed out, we did just that- it was called the Marshall Plan and called for dropping food instead of bombs. Also, I can only wish we treated Iraq after the war like we treated Germany after that war. See, in Germany we took the top Nazis out and hanged them, but the Berlin Dog Catcher, who happened to be a party member so he could have a job, was left in place along with the rest of the government infrastructure. Sure, they all renounced the Reich, but the same folks who were responsible for the sewers on May 8th, 1945 were still responsible for the sewers on May 9th 1945. We sent anyone with a Ba'ath party membership packing and had no replacement governmental infrastructure to handle everyday business. The Baghdad Dog Catcher was a "terrorist". Well, he is now...

- Hillary Clinton: My God; she said something funny that almost made her appear... human. Dems- cut her slack please. If you can't pick on Bill Clinton, who can you pick on?

-Barack Obama: Please be an honest man, please be an honest man...

-Stock Market: Dan's paranoid investment tip for the day. No matter what the condition of the world, from New World Order to New Dark Ages, always invest in medicine, food, and guns- they NEVER loose value! Just ask-

-Enterprise, Alabama: One of the best Mexican resturants I ever ate in was in Enterprise, Alabama. It was about a mile from the statue of the Greek Goddess holding up the boll weevil. The town honors the Boll Weevil because the little bugger destroyed their cotton crop resulting in them having to plant peanuts, which in turn resulted in great prosperity. Those people are survivors, and my prayers are with them in their time of need.

For right or wrong, that's how I see this stuff. And they say news commentary is hard; it's so easy even a caveman could do it.

Good and Bad (but not in the greater philosophical sense).

It occurred to me that I have been griping a bit more than usual lately, and I am trying to be generally less gripey. Therefore, though I have something I really want to gripe about I will balance it out with something cool. Ying, Yang, Ohm.

I am not a smoker. I was raised with smokers, and have tried it in the past, but it never stuck. There are times it bugs me, and I believe that people who want to smoke should extend courtesy to others who choose not to. I am however pretty damn tired of anti-smokers. I am tired of crying soccer-moms on TV crying over the fact they have to take lozenges to quit. I am tired of bars and restaurants being told they can't allow smoking; if a restaurant owner wants to restrict smoking, good for him- but it should be the business owner's choice. If I don't want to be around smoking when I eat, I won't go to that restaurant that allows it.

I'm tired of lawsuits against tobacco companies. Yep- they're assholes. Yep, they make their product more addictive. Yep, they suck. So don't smoke. You want to damage them? DON'T BUY THEIR PRODUCT!

"Oh, but mean blog-man, I'm all addicted now and it's their fault I can't quit."

Yeah, Joe Camel came into your house with Phillip and Morris, shoved the cigarette in your mouth and lit it- enough times to hook you. Commercials? You fell for commercials? Most people start as teenagers, giving into peer pressure. Grow up. Put the pack down. Just don't smoke.

"I'm addicted! I can't stop!" You put the pack down and you don't smoke anymore, it's that easy. Yes, you're going to be cranky, and uncomfortable, kind of like I am when I start exercising again after a break in fitness. Please claim a little bit of personal responsibility.

"I didn't know they were dangerous!" OK- if you grew up in America, and you didn't know cigarettes were bad for you, this is Darwin at work trying to pull you out of the gene pool. In 1947 Tex Williams released "Smoke, Smoke Smoke that Cigarette" with such lines as:
Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette
Puff, puff, puff until you smoke yourself to death.

Yes, elsewhere in the song he says:
I don't reckon that it'll hinder your health
I smoked 'em all my life and I ain't dead yet...

Tex Williams died of lung cancer. The "whack" sound he heard at death was the irony stick hitting him in the skull.

The point is, who hasn't heard the moniker "cancer stick"? "Coffin nail"? There's been a label on the side of the things for the last 38 years! Smokers consider their habit an acceptable risk. As do alcohol drinkers, doughnut eaters, fried food consumers, people who don't wear seatbelts, coffee drinkers, skydivers, and people who participate in democracy. I don't smoke, and I think it's rude. Should there be a law? No, there should be courtesy.

I've lost people I loved to lung cancer... but no one forced them to smoke.

So what's the good news? I saw Casino Royale, Oh-Shit Guy be damned. Finally, FINALLY someone made a movie about Ian Fleming's Bond. He's callous, brutal, and arrogant. He has no real gadgets, and has to rely on wits and fists as much as nice cars and guns. Daniel Craig is perfect as this steely killer, and this movie has immediately taken the spot of my favorite Bond film (unseating "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" with George Lazenby- oh yeah, I was one of those).

The movie serves as an origin for 007, playing off a lot like "Batman Begins" in that it is a realistic look grounded firmly in our world. He's a little sloppy, but we see Bond learn the tricks of his trade, pick up some certain habits essential to the Bond myth. The movie has plenty of action while still having a lot of the film's tension play out in a poker game. Yeah, I said poker, not baccarat, but for God's sake, who among us could keep up with an onscreen baccarat game? Well, OK, I could, but I only know baccarat because of the original Bond books.

See it, it is the real Bond, James Bond. Can't wait for the next one... Although, should I complain that we don't see him smoking?

Scooby Doo and War with Persia

First, go read this:
http://www.slate.com/id/2157397/?GT1=9010

Now, here's my take; I blame a lot of the problems of the South Canadian Empire on Scooby-Doo. Oh, you heard me- Scoob screwed us. How did Scooby do this?

1) The bad guy is just out to scare you off, and has no intention of actually doing any damage.

2) You don't need a plan to find an answer, just stumble around in the dark until you find the bad guy's secret stash. This will make your whole plan fall into place.

3) Once you catch and unmask the bad guy, the whole thing is over because every bad guy has the same plan; make yourself all scary and chase off the good guys. As soon as the bad guy is revealed, he is powerless and humiliated.

4) Scappy Doo sucks.

With the possible exception of point four, it would seem even the Great and Powerful W, leader of the South Canadian Empire, used the lessons of Scooby Doo to plan the invasion of Babylon (unless of course you compare Donnie R. to Scrappy... yeah, OK I can see that, point 4 too). The worst part is, we the People are the fooled cousin to Fred or Velma. You know, the cousin who thought they were threatened by the monster/ghost? Then in comes the Mystery Machine, hilarity ensues and thanks to those meddling kids, scary old Mr. Saddam is revealed to just be a guy in a bad mask. Many of us (enough for me to say "we" regardless of what any individual may have said)also let W and his Mystery Machine just completely screw Babylon up. Hey, mistakes were made. We decided to change that. There was an election, and all that ambiguity gets cleared up by the fact that the then ruling party became the minority party faster then Scooby and Shaggy down a bag of... Scooby Snacks. That'll send a message. Now we have advisors (Babylon Study Group), and a clear indication that things should be different.

Oh, it's gonna be different all right- we're going to hit Persia too! See, Emperor W just moved another South Canadian Carrier group into the Persian Gulf. He also just put a Navy Pilot in charge of ground forces in Babylon. Hmm, we don't need aeroplanes or Squids in Baby... Wait! Airstrikes in Persia would need that stuff! Well, so long as we don't like raid a consulate or- D'Oh! (Sorry- mixed my cartoon metaphors.) Jinkies!

Now, my firm is the group that gets Surged; Yes True Believers, I will be back in Babylon "Reel Sune" (to quote Emilio Lizardo). But here's the thing; I am apparently going to act as bait to get the Persians out from behind their wall so we can pick a fight with them too...I am now Shaggy or Scooby sent into the dark cave to draw out the monsters so W's Fred, Daphne, and Velma can jump out and rip the bad guys' masks off- or hit them with an airstrike or two. And I'm not even getting the Scooby Snack or an offer to feel up Daphne later (or Fred for that matter, but honestly my firm frowns on that too).

You would think we would have learned by now that the people living in that part of the world are not just wearing scary masks- they are wearing the vestiments of fanatics, and will kill or die until there is no one left on either side. It is a culture that glorifies death even more than our own, and that's a lot of killin'.

Read my old posts, or just let me reiterate; I think we were right to rip the mask off Saddam, but then we didn't do what we should have to make Babylon work. My fear is it's too late. It's too late to stop two groups who have wanted to whack each other for years from trying to whack each other. Perhaps there is a solution, I hope so.

That solution is not however having Emperor W write a verbal check that my firm's ass can't cover. We can't open another front. Let the Flintstones or Johnny Quest handle the Persians. My firm needs some time resting up in the Mystery Machine. Otherwise when the real monsters come calling, it'll just be Scrappy between us and them...

...and I hate that fucker.