There’s something we need to get out of the way first. I am a huge fan of GI Joe. My first GI Joe was when I was four or five
and from somewhere I ended up with a bearded 12” Land Adventurer. The gear I had I now know was from one of the
foreign weapons sets; he wasn’t new, and I assume my folks found him at a
garage sale or swap meet or something of the kind. I got a few more as the years went by, and even
an Adventure Team Headquarters and did like all boys did with their Joes: lots
of adventures in the outdoors. There was
no narrative though, just missions from inside my head.
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| Zap. |
Then in 1982, my buddy Brett had this little Star Wars
figure sized soldier, but with much better articulation. I asked him what it was, and he told me it
was a GI Joe. I immediately went looking
on the next trip to K-Mart and soon his
Rock n’ Roll joined forces with my Zap.
I became infatuated with these toys, and since Star Wars figures died
out after Jedi, it really became my main toy focus.
As most of you know, when I should have been putting away
such things, I kept up. I found out well
into my Real American Hero collecting that there was both a cartoon AND a comic
book! Now, I had already built an
ongoing overall story for my Joes and COBRAs based on the filecards, and I
didn’t always agree with what happened in the official stuff (what do you mean
Snake Eyes is mute?) but I was pulled even further into that world, preferring
the comics. They were fun without being
funny, but certainly had their dark moments for what should have been just a
commercial for toys. Snake Eyes’ parents
killed in a car accident? Cobra
Commander’s son tries to shoot the despot himself? Trucial Abyssmia and a Joe team body count of
16? The Vietnam vets on the team met
resistance and derision from the American people when they came home? Larry Hama gave us some messages about the
reality of war, while still showing the camaraderie of the fighting man, and
the honor of defending something greater than yourself. Yes, I slowed down on the toy purchases when
Hasbro decided that neon yellow was somehow a military camouflage, but I kept
reading those comics.
And I joined the Army.
In 1994, the 12-year run of Marvel Comics GI Joe came to an
end, and I was deciding if this whole uniform wearing thing was for me. Issue #155 was the last one, and featured the
mute Snake Eyes finally getting to tell the story in the form of a letter to a
young man who is considering joining the Army. The entire thing is devastating and blunt as
to the costs of military service, but again speaks to that camaraderie, asking
what other job can engender such loyalty.
Then comes the line that quite literally changed my life: “But then,
this bearing of arms in defense of the Constitution of the United States is not
just a profession, per se;
To this day, trying to quote that out loud brings a catch to
my voice. In the pages of this little
toy ad, I found the words that described what I was beginning to feel about the
meaning of my service. It is a feeling
that has stuck with me through good and bad, and led to the fact I have kept
putting that uniform on each morning for the next two decades. On those days (and there have been many) when
it seemed like there was more bad that good in my Firm, I would read that issue
and hold out just a little more.* I also
kept up with those characters as they went through some different writers and
forms and was quite enthusiastic when I heard there would be a movie back in
2009.
Then I got “Rise of Cobra.”
I am certainly not expecting “Saving Private Ryan” from a Joe film, and
sure there should be some fun, some SF style weapons, and some over the top
characters. But there is a heart to GI
Joe, a feel from the familiarity with these characters I have known for 30
years that was so completely missing from RoC.
My disdain was not objective. As
I have told others, had this movie been something called “Super Fast Future
Soldiers” I would have likely gotten a kick out of the B-Movie with the
blockbuster budget. But they called it
GI Joe, and I cannot overstate how much venom I sling at this movie.
It made money though, and got a sequel. Grudgingly, I started following their
progress and hearing things I wanted to hear.
The original cast was gone; there would be machine guns instead of
lasers; characters like Joe Colton (the ORIGINAL GI Joe) and the Blind Master
(never a figure, but a key support role in the comic) would appear. I got interested. The trailer hit with the remix of “Seven
Nation Army” playing behind it, and I was blown away. Plus, Adrianne Palicki (sigh).
Then the movie’s release was delayed nine months. Reshoots?
Bad test audiences? I was afraid
we were getting the same crap as the first.
When the new promotional campaign started for this release though, well,
dammit, things looked…right. When the
release came, I waited a week so I could see it with my brother-in-law, someone
who I know has as much love for these characters as I do. Yesterday, he in his GI Joe team t-shirt, and
I with a COBRA emblem emblazoned on my chest sat down to see GI Joe:
Retaliation. Here, a thousand words in,
is my review.
This movie was made for me.
It is almost as if Jon M. Chu picked up the phone, called me, said,
“understanding we can’t get rid of the first movie, how do we make this one
actually seem like a G.I. Joe movie for forty year old men whose fandom
stretches across at least five different incarnations of the toy and comic?” We got this. It is not always smart; it is certainly not
militarily accurate; a couple of performances are awful, and at least one
character almost requires an existing knowledge of the source material to see
why they are even there. In its heart
and soul however, this is GI Joe. It is
fun, filled with adventure, and has characters who are quite recognizably
adaptations of their 3.75” counterparts.
Perhaps it requires a love of GI Joe to really get into, but as a fan I
will take that over a movie (like the first) that required you to know nothing
to try to enjoy. If you haven’t seen it
yet, I am getting into specifics now, and spoilers abound.
We open with something which could be right out of an issue
of GI Joe: Special Missions. A squad of
Joes is infiltrating the DMZ in Korea to extract a defector. The scene shows us a Flint who goes off
mission to shine on North Korea by replacing the guards’ national flag with the
GI Joe flag. It is arrogant,
dangerous, cocky, indicates prior planning
on Flint’s part to even have the flag to use…and is exactly the Flint we first
see in the Marvel run. Remember, in
issue #37 when he debuts everyone thinks he is a complete jerk. It’s some 30 issues before an actual
relationship develops between Flint and Lady Jaye, and several missions before
we see him grow into the leader he will be.
This film gives us inklings of that, and I was pleased.
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| Actual Russian Agent |
The Lady Jaye in the film though is really more from the
short-lived Devil’s Due Press “GI Joe: Reloaded” series. We see her as a competent and talented
officer with experience in intelligence and weapons. I have seen a couple complaints regarding the
fact that she twice uses her feminine wiles to accomplish a mission. I have two things to say on that: If you
don’t think actual female intelligence soldiers use their femininity as a
weapon, you are naïve; secondly, the situation does not speak to the
objectification of those women, but rather the stupidity of the men whom they
target. Why do spies like the actual Russian agent Anna Chapman
exist? Because they get results. Men with information seem predisposed toward giving
their secrets up to a pretty face (General Petraeus, anyone?). I think this movie showing Lady Jaye using
her attributes to her advantage is less about her, and more about the men who
fall for it. She’s no damsel in
distress, and it is a better movie for it.
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| Made up Hollywood Sexism |
Cobra Commander is still “Rex” from the first film, but
quickly dons a more comic book evoking costume and plays from behind the scenes
as the Commander should. I admit I
prefer a Commander we can commiserate with a bit more, but you believe he’s
running a ruthless terrorist organization, so overall he works for me. Such an improvement from RoC as well.
Bruce Willis plays more of a role than I expected as Joe
Colton, and I was very pleased to see that character included. Indeed, he rounds up some of his old friends
at one point. I don’t know the intention
behind that, but these older guys who were Colton’s old team? Sounds like a nod to the GI Joe Adventure
Team to me, and I really appreciated that.
His “I’m an old school soldier” interaction with Lady Jaye is amusing,
and pays off nicely when you learn the real reason he’s picking at her. I have heard people say Willis phones this
one in; well, he acts like a generic action star. Since he’s playing the world’s first action
figure brought to life, the prototype for many a young man as to what action
star meant, I prefer to think he’s not being typical but rather
archetypical. 
The obvious star of the film though is Dwayne Johnson as
Roadblock. I initially had a moment’s
reservation, as Johnson is not the ethnicity of the original character. He brings a charisma a physicality to this
role though which make it undoubtedly our favorite M2-Manpacking gourmet chef. I have enjoyed Johnson’s performance in other
movies, particularly the much maligned “Southland Tales” but he brings an
earnestness to his roles you don’t find in a typical action star. That and his undeniable star power pay off
for GI Joe. His interaction with Channing
Tatum’s Duke is delightful and fun, and gives a sense of gravitas to the entire
affair when Duke is killed.
Yep, they kill Duke.
Indeed of the characters retained from the first film, only Cobra
Commander, Snake Eyes, and Storm Shadow make it to the end of this film (maybe Destro, time will tell). For not being a reboot, this film does a
great job of cleansing the pallet from Rise of Cobra. Ironically, I started to
get a feel for Tatum’s Duke, for whom I had NO love from the first movie, which
does show just what a director who cares about your subject matter can do for
you.
So, what doesn’t work?
Well, the method by which COBRA gets rid of the world’s nuclear weapons
is a bit contrived, but should have some interesting ramifications in the next
film (like how much fallout we’re going to have to deal with from the
detonation of hundreds of nuclear warheads in our atmosphere). RZA is almost laughable in his delivery as
the Blind Master, and luckily exists only to deliver exposition in a weird semi-Asian
accent. Speaking of accents, Ray
Stevenson I believe is trying to affect a deep-South American accent for
Firefly, but comes off somewhere between Australian and cockney. He’s a great presence in the film otherwise,
but should probably have just gone with his regular voice.
Was the bar perhaps set so low by the first film that I am
willing to give a few passes to this one?
Perhaps. Was I just so damn happy
to see Flint and Lady Jaye get their turn on the big screen that I ignore some
stuff? Perhaps. Is this a movie that stands on its own
without knowing the history? Maybe
not. I don’t care. I loved it; it pushed pretty much every
button I as a Joe fan wanted, and I really hope Jon Chu gets a chance to do
another. He brings a great aesthetic to the fight scenes that is not the new
Hollywood standard of quick cuts and wobbly cam making it impossible to follow
what’s going on. Despite the lack of
blood, the battles feel very visceral and often realistic, and the training
these actors did with real soldiers shows (particularly in Adrianne
Palicki).
This movie does for me what Joe Carnahan’s “The A-Team” did
for me. It gives me a nice group dynamic
with respect for the source material, enough action to make it count, and yet
still at its heart the idea that we as fans of the original want to have a lot
of fun. There will be no Oscars going
home with anyone based on this movie, but it is going to be a default “what do
I feel like watching?” movie for this fan for a long time.
Now, how do we get them to fix the Baroness?
*At the 2013 Emerald City Comic Con I actually got Larry
Hama to sign my ORIGINAL, oft-read #155 and tell him what it had done for
me. I was able to thank HIM for MY
service!
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